The Backbencher: The perks of being an MPA

Usually Nadir Magsi sits quietly in the seat behind the CM’s but on Monday’s session he decided to speak out.

Murad Ali Shah has the best seat in the house. He sits in the fourth row towards the back, near the aisle and usually has the whole row to himself. He can put his legs up, stretch out and take a nap. The one drawback is that he can’t snore ­— not that the speaker would mind. He likes Murad Ali Shah, his flamboyant suits and the fact that he is always there.

If Shah did snore, the journalists hovering above in the press gallery would have a field day. Since barely any MPAs bother attending the assembly session or come so late that they can’t contribute, Shah, would definitely make headlines.

Monday’s session started at 11:55am with the speaker in his seat looking really bored. He rubbed his chin, skimmed through the papers in front of him and drank some water. The session, it seemed, would not be fun. The uniformed man sitting next to him looked like he would rather be in some small village near Thar than the stool next to Durrani.

MQM’s Bilqees Mukhtar took up most of the question-answer session. Her list of supplementary questions is usually never-ending, something that Durrani usually enjoys and compliments her on afterwards.

The speaker’s face lit up when he realised some fun could be had at Dr Sikandar Mandhro’s expense. The department’s secretary or additional secretary responsible for answering the MPA’s questions on paper had shared the wrong data. Mandhro, clearly embarrassed, apologised to the house and said the person responsible would be dealt with. Durrani, perched on his speaker’s throne, shouted: “Sack him.”

And a little later, he said: “But bring him here so we can see his face.” As Mukhtar asked yet another question, before Mandhro could reply, Durrani asked him if he was certain the answer for this one was right.

The session became interesting when Nadir Magsi walked in wearing his trademark off-white shalwar kameez. Usually he sits quietly in the seat behind the chief minister’s but on Monday’s session he did something really out of character — he decided to speak out. As per assembly rules, an MPA is supposed to seek permission from the speaker before speaking ­—  Magsi didn’t, he just interrupted whenever he felt like it.

At first he sat cross-legged, twirling his moustache. Then he started talking. The MPA sitting behind him tried to proceed with a privilege motion but he interrupted her, and another one after her. This clearly entertained Durrani who shared a couple of laughs with Magsi.

None of the MPAs were really paying attention to what was going on at the session. An MPA on the treasury bench tried playing Solitaire on his iPad, while others were checking their iPhones for messages and Facebook updates. MPAs, such as Sharmila Faruqi, Sharjeel Memon and Hasnain Mirza kept walking in and out of the session much to the annoyance of the speaker, who felt the MPAs came to the assembly not to pass laws, but have tea and chat in the lobby.

When it was time to announce leave of absence  ­—  the MPAs text, call or write to the speaker to inform him that they will not be able to make it to a session —  Hasnain Mirza, Magsi and Nawab Muhammad Taimur Talpur behaved like a bunch of rowdy teenagers making noises and shouting ‘no’ every time an MPA’s name was announced.

What promised to be just another assembly session was made mildly interesting by the treasury’s young members who are difficult to tell apart  ­— they wear baggy shalwars, gel their hair the same way and even have similar mannerisms.

Not bad to be an MPA getting Rs5,000 to attend a session, kick back and do nothing.

Published in The Express Tribune, April 1^st, 2014.