The way to success is commonly defined as achieving equality vis a vis men. Women who are partners in law firms, CEOs, college professors, surgeons and corporate officers all have their accomplishments viewed from the lens of gender stereotypes – and sometimes misogyny. With all this going on, we also question whether women are able to maintain a stable life at home which, in our society, particularly means staying married, keeping your husband happy, cooking food, being a good bahu, cooking round rotis and basically being a superwoman.
These are the important questions women are constantly asked, however, it is time we realise that success is a lot more than that measuring up to a man’s accomplishments. Success is also about having the choice to not climb the ladder. It is not defined by a six-figure salary or travelling around the globe. Success does not mean making perfectly round chapattis if you would rather be spending time at the gym, success is not being able to compromise. It is the power of having a choice. Success is not doing everything the way it has always been done; success is creating your own niche. How I see it is that we limit our success when we do things the way they have always been done; we will always be stuck with what we always had. We will be stuck in a rut, which will make our success narrow, our goals small, our ideas stale.
Usually, we perceive to the traditional idea of being successful and what is supposed to be satisfying and often we find our definition of success and what we have achieved are incompatible. Thus become discontented with our lives.
Maybe at the end of the road, you might be unsuccessful in the eyes of your peers but it’s actually OK to be OK with that. Take a chance to have your cake and eat it too, it will be delicious!
Published in The Express Tribune, January 22nd, 2014.
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@Just saying: Conversely, try to understand what that attitude feels like from a female perspective. It feels like men are pushed to excel and then families and parents take pride in their achievements. Women, on the other hand, are left to their own devices because the only achievement that society acknowledges from them are marriage and procreation. It is an awful feeling to realize you have masses of potential but that no one has any expectations (atleast not intellectual or career related) from you. No one having any expectations of you is a rather sad thing that many Pakistani women experience.
@Just saying: I totally agree with what you are saying, however I feel like men still have a choice when it comes to success.
"Success is also about having the choice to not climb the ladder."
Why are men never told that? I think it's very strange how women are told that it's okay to not climb the ladder but no one ever tells the men that it's okay- you don't have to be the best you can be. Seems unfair.
While the glass ceiling has more or less broken in many Western societies, there is a long way to go in places like Pakistan. One of the ways women here (US) achieved what they have is by no longer caring what society says or expects of them. Pakistani women often allow themselves to be bullied by being influenced or affected by the opinion of others and the only way to stop people from doing it is to stop reacting and changing. Don't let people make you doubt your own capacity and abilities to be and do what you like. Don't take someone else's expectation of what you SHOULD BE and let it turn you into what you are not or don't want to be. The 'in one ear out the other' is the best way to handle naysayers. Cheers.