This ‘culture shock’ needs time to mould itself into a stable relationship even if you have been with the man for years before getting married or the same applies to arranged marriages.
Having spoken to several people, who are currently in their first year of marriage or have just crossed the mark, I found them discussing a contrasting number of emotions: overwhelmed, scared, lonely, frustrated, content, inept, irritated, confused, happy, grateful, excited, disappointed, trapped and angry.
“It is difficult to live with someone day in and day out, adjusting to their habits and mood swings,” said one of the women.
Another one stated: “It’s like a honeymoon phase with minor hindrances, but you just need to maintain your calm and it comes naturally later. I have felt like I just got so angry, I needed to escape, but then you look at the bigger picture and tell yourself ‘I’m going to be okay’.”
The first year of marriage may not always be a walk in the park, but it is a great learning experience. To be a wife for the first time, to have someone rely on you to keep them going every day — these are all proud moments. The idea is that you have someone to share your life with, someone who will have your back and lean on you during tough times, while the two of you also enjoy each other’s happy moments.
However, there are some important tips for newly-weds. Firstly, do not take things for granted. Make time to go on dates to keep the spark and affection alive. Keep conversations going instead of having abrupt talks. Give and take. Live and let live. Do not imprison each other, instead, discuss and come to conclusions to any problems that may arise.
Lastly, and some may disagree, do not bring a new life into the world just after the first year. It’s crucial to stabilise your relationship first, see how things are going and then you can think of starting a family together.
Published in The Express Tribune, January 13th, 2014.
COMMENTS (13)
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@Alien Aunty: You're right and it's an unfortunate situation. I don't think women should compromise anymore unless the other party compromises as well. If both parties put their half on the table it makes a whole; over burdening the woman alone is not a way to have a healthy happy marriage.
What's so special about this short essay? You can find all such guidelines on the Internet. What matters is the real experience. Why not conduct a scientific study of the subject and come up with facts and figures? This short essay is too generalized or simplified.
very interesting topic, yet limited to women psychic when talked about, i want to add a mans point of view, its been just week i got married to some one absolutely stranger yet the first week had been the best of my life and i feel even for her sake as she and her family clearly show, i believe the first thing a couple should do is to give respect to their partner give them space and then tune your heart before any thing, let your marriage bring the soul into the relationship, rest will follow all the way..... as for your recommendation in the last para i would suggest discuss it.... dont impose... be happy and make the other one happy...
No instructions for HUSBAND? He is main stakeholder.
Very nice article but except last one of not starting new life....I donot know how they writing neglet they famous saying of our society the when girl birth a child so are house is secure ...I will go one step more it will secure house of both male and wife...I totally 100% agree with munir ahmad the person who comment above me...and it also islamic way ..more couple donot start family for many year and alast they try and nothing happen...shaadi is a world donot limit it to a small porition. ..if shaadi is red colour so child is yellow these all are life colours..what happyness a child give ..it very precious.....the writer say will about compromising......have a nice shaadi life to all
All is well that ends well but its simply not in your article. Marriage is not a strong binding and never convince you to stay together if you have a conflict on some issues which you definitely have in early months of your married life. Strangely love, emotions and sentiments wash away with hatered and disappointment and applies more on love marriage couple rather arranged one yet both suffer. The only reason which keep you together is your new life. Individual wisdom and intelligence does matter but in such situation both behave restarted towards each other. With only the cry, smile and touch of new life you stay human otherwise an animal. The bottom line is; have new life as soon as possible because there is a vital possibility of losing a precious person of your life.
Simply and nicely written. I'm a gandfather and I'll say that not only the first year but many more to come are years of ups-and-downs and a learning experience...........its much, much later that you will realise how realy precious and wort it, it all is.
"Lastly, and some may disagree, do not bring a new life into the world just after the first year. It’s crucial to stabilize your relationship first, see how things are going and then you can think of starting a family together."
This is a very neat advice, I strongly recommend every couple to follow this. Give time to your spouse and to yourself too to straighten up things and understand behaviors of each other and then start your family. Great article overall!
Nice simple article. Learning to let go is one thing you learn ( should learn ) in the first few years of marriage. Its called TRUST.
Interesting article though I feel you are purposefully ignoring the big picture "Family".
I have friends who recently got married and listening to their story is kind of scary. One of my friend had interesting thing for me, he told me, Your mother will love you for a year not more. I questioned his statement, he told me After u get married, your mother will stop liking u IF you love your wife. If ur harsh with ur wife, taunt her regularly then your mother might keep loving u, warna doost bohut mushkil hai. Behnain bhi Behan nahi rehti shadi kay baad.
Good one!