6 odd grooms found only in Pakistan

Ms T walks down the aisle with six of the funniest grooms found in Pakistan.

We have all heard the hackneyed pre-wedding horror stories about brides from Hell and how they can suck all the happiness out of life but with weddings becoming an increasingly fretting affair, their grooms aren’t too far behind!

While Bridezillas normally range from super angry to super nervous, their male counterparts come in a variety of personality types and undoubtedly, each is a comic treat to observe at the wedding. Check out this list of six odd grooms that prove some men really are from Mars. Let the wedding bells ring!

The Couch Potato

This lazy, good-for-nothing refuses to budge from the couch and be productive during the so called, month-long ‘holiday’ that is his wedding preparation. He doesn’t care if his sherwaani is sweeping the floor or that his sister missed her flight from America and can’t attend the nikkah ceremony. Nothing matters, so long as he can pass that next level in Candy Crush, even if his house is teeming with pending work. He might even be crushing those candies on the stage but who cares? Let others handle it.

Reason: This spoiled not-so-little brat still hasn’t realized his mama’s boy days are over. Someone please flash his engagement ring in his face!

Mama’s Lil’ Boy

There has been a drastic increase in pretty little boys who still hide behind their mommies’ palloo when they are frightened (read getting married) These grooms have given their mothers the honour of chief wedding (read life) planner and will happily wear swimming trunks to their valima if they were asked (read ordered) to. And of course, the bride is a secondary character in this love story — why would her opinion matter? It’s not like it’s her wedding or anything...

Reason: The poor, unassuming groom is probably the only male child in a long line of sisters. We just hope that the bride isn’t written out of this love triangle!

The Social Butterfly

Whoever said women love to talk clearly never met this guy. The uber social groom can be seen at wedding receptions, meandering the hall and greeting each and every guest, having left you (his bride) all alone on the stage to be ogled at my society aunties. He knows everyone and indeed, ensures that your mehendi will be a very happening one. Unfortunately, we aren’t too sure how your dad’s pockets will feel about feeding those hundred extra Facebook buddies that your groom hasn’t seen or spoken to in years but felt the need to extend an invitation to.

Reason: Either the groom has tired of the bride’s company already or he suffers from underlying social insecurity or OCD.

The Nawab from Lucknow

The invitations cards probably forgot to mention it but the wedding reception is actually a competition between the bride and groom for who can look more like a mithai ki dukaan. This groom wants to steal (and reflect) all the limelight from his bride, judging by the number of shiny embellishments and embroidery on his sherwaani. One can see the amount of care put into his wedding look by the delicate shape of his eyes brows and neatly coiffed mane. All this, combined with his dazzling white smile makes him appear nothing less than an Indian rajkumaar, which is the look he was going for anyway.

Reason: Over-enthusiasm and an overly ambitious sense of fashion.

The ‘What Was She Thinking?’ Groom

This groom should be given a standing ovation for evoking the most shocked reactions. He is cool as a cucumber — cool enough to forget ironing his sherwaani, combing his hair or even washing his face before gracing his wedding reception. While the bride looks immaculate and heavenly, her male counterpart decides to go for the ratty, unkempt look, leaving everyone deeply perplexed and wondering what she sees in him?

Reason: There cannot and should not be any excuse for showing up at your own wedding looking like a complete and utter meila.

The Whipped Groom

When it comes to expressing his love, this groom knows no bounds. He becomes besotted with his future wife the day they meet, tells her he loves her the next day and has already jotted down the names of their first two children by the third. He leads his lady around the function hall, coyly repeating the question “Doesn’t she look beautiful?” with an omnipresent twinkle in their eye. The happiness he is feeling in his heart would be contagious had it not been for that sugary sweet, smitten expression on his face.

Reason: He genuinely could be in love. Or he’s just watched too many Shahrukh Khan movies growing up.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, October 27^th, 2013.