Spreading shame around

Whilst we quickly blame government for gas shortage, have we paused to ask ourselves about compressors in our houses?

Many thanks indeed to Dr Asim Hussain, Adviser to the Prime Minister on Petroleum and Natural Resources, for warning us that we have a long cold winter ahead of us. We know that, thank you very much, Adviser Bahadur, for we faced a long, cold (and hungry) winter last year also, and a long hungry summer this year, to boot.

Let me explain: like other residents of other areas where thoughtless (but rich) neighbours have installed electricity generators that run on natural gas, we, the residents of Hazrat Gul Road, Lahore Cantonment, barely have enough gas to cook on when these generators are switched on during electricity outages, summer and winter.

All of last winter, our insta-gas water heaters, which would not only conserve gas, they would also be cheaper to run, failed completely due to low pressure. And since we had got rid of our conventional hot-water geyser, we were reduced to using electricity immersion rods, reminding me of my young-officer days in BOQs all across the country. Only this time around the immersion rods would not work until we switched our (expensive-to-run) diesel generator on!

Let us also note that since the pressure of gas is low anyway (unless you have friends in high places in Sui Northern in our case — wink, wink) many people, especially those with gas generators, have what is called a ‘compressor’ — yes the same gizmo that pumps whichever cooling agent your refrigerator uses — fixed onto your gas line but inside your four walls so that the gas lineman or inspector can’t espy it, and from where it pulls in far more gas than you are entitled to, depriving your neighbours.

Now then, when some of us moved into Hazrat Gul Road, we were advised to do the done thing here: buy gas generators and fit these ‘compressors’ on the gas lines and have a jolly time. They also told us that gas generators were banned by law. We did not follow their advice. And here we are, five years later, completely bereft of gas, even to cook on. Believe me when I say that it can take a whole four hours to cook a half-kilo of lentils, and sometimes there is not enough gas to fry an egg. I simply cannot understand how people can be so selfish as to deprive others of basic necessities. Shame on them.

Whilst we Pakistanis are so quick to blame the government for everything under the sun, have we ever paused to ask ourselves if we are keeping our part of the bargain — that of being good, thoughtful citizens? I mean haven’t we heard of corrupt households bribing corrupt metre-readers to fiddle the electricity unit count?

I can only say to Dr Hussain that just as the government has decided to enforce the ban on gas generators in Islamabad the Beautiful, it should enforce the ban in Lahore and other cities too. Imagine someone having luxuries like gas-run electricity generators when others can’t even wash with warm water or cook meals.

Talking of shame, there is much of it that should adhere itself to others in this country too. For example, on those who are even thinking of, as langar gup (a typically army term suggesting rumours within the army, in this case floated to test the waters) suggests, setting up a Field Marshal’s post for, you guessed it, the most indispensable officer who ever graced a general’s rank in the Citadel of Islam, General Ashfaq Parvez Kayani. Let us recall that he is already on a three-year extension which is due to expire early next year.

And where did I pick this up? Giving up my self-imposed exile from TV talk shows for the reason that the channels do not pay guests for the trouble they take, and admitting defeat, I appeared in one last week where this subject was debated at length.

The reasons advanced for Kayani’s staying on as a Field Marshal are exactly the same as those given for his extension three years ago: he has fought the war on terror for three years; is experienced; has contacts with his US/Nato counterparts, etcetera. The question that I asked then was: is there no Lt. Gen. in this man’s army good enough to take over from Kayani? Has he fought the good fight all by himself so that there is no other senior officer who knows what is going on? I ask the questions again.

But let’s move on. This position, it is said, will be known as the Chief of Defence Staff, and will oversee all the three services. There will be two army commands (which exist on paper already), each under a full general, so that promotions to higher ranks open up to assuage the feelings of frustration and resentment among those officers whose promotions are blocked due to extensions in service at the very top.

Now then, whilst I have long argued that we are a very unique people indeed, in very many ways, leaving all the world behind in the complete zaniness with which we go about our affairs, this latest ‘cunning plan’ really takes the cake. Our defence budget is already way too high and will jump manifold if this new show hits the road.

I mean, will the army commanders have their own set of Principal Staff Officers and their subordinate departments: CGS; QMG; MGO; E-in-C, etcetera, etcetera? Will the army bureaucracy double from its present size?

And will the air force and the navy not ask that their chiefs be promoted to Marshal of the Air Force and Admiral of the Fleet; and for Peshawar and Sargodha and Karachi and Gwadar to have air marshals and admirals commanding them? Where will all of this end?

Well, there we go making fools of ourselves yet again. Pakistan stands at 145 out of 187 countries on the UN’s Human Development Index, please note.

P.S. I have always said that decision-making in the army is done by one man: the COAS, who is the army. There is no ‘College of Generals’ for the COAS doles out the (expensive!) QMG plots; ambassadorships, etc. Does this present tamasha not prove the point?

Published in The Express Tribune, November 2^nd, 2012.