The Big 30: Hello, adulthood!

If you’re a smart woman, you’ll treat this age as an opportunity to embrace womanhood, be comfy in your own skin.

All the things to do, and not to do when you hit this defining age

There is nothing better than turning 18. Your skin and hair look fabulous, men can’t help but adore you, and the world feels like your oyster — ready to open and give up all its pearls to you.

But as the digits add up, that world of possibilities shrinks and it’s what you’ve made of the years that counts. By the time you blow 30 candles on your birthday cake, God help you if you don’t already have a string of achievements to your name. Media, society and people have decided your fate and dictated that the only good thing is that at least you’re not turning 40.

But if you’re a smart woman, you’ll treat this age as an opportunity to embrace your womanhood and be comfortable in your own skin — without feeling the slightest bit worried if it’s a little saggy, flaky and imperfect. This is actually the perfect age to come to a clear definition of who you really are: grow up, feel empowered and do not stress about the things you haven’t done or seen. So if you’re about to hit 30, cut yourself a break and stop following other people’s rules of how life should be lived. You’ve made it so far, and it’s been interesting ... the rest can’t be all that bad, right?

Dos

Cook like a chef and bake like a badass

Being single or having a cook is no excuse for proudly proclaiming: “The only thing I can cook is an omelette!” Having the habits of a sloppy teenager should never be a point of pride. Also, passing off a Betty Crocker German chocolate cake as something you made from scratch does not count — it’s only sweetened deception! Whether it’s a mean pasta or delectable palak gosht, learn to cook — not just to please the saas or your miyaan, but to make yourself more independent. 

Leave bad hairdos behind

By 30, you should be done with all the pink/blue/green hair extensions and that super-short hairdo that was supposed to make you look like a pixie but ended up making you look like Shrek (yep, that only works on Winona Ryder). Now’s the time you say ‘no’ to experimentation and hair nightmares. You should know what colour and cut works for you, and the hairstylist who can make it all happen. And stick by it for a while. 

Learn to drive a car and change a tyre

There’s something so empowering about driving a stick, fixing your hair in the rearview mirror and parallel parking like a pro. But most of us are so scared of the crazy buses, the aggressive men and mixing up the accelerator with the brake (only happened once) that we don’t even bother trying. Not much point in being an empowered feminist who relies on her drivers/father/brother to take her around, is there? Wouldn’t it be nice to have no one do your bidding but you? 

Save, save, save

The little girl in you might still want to splurge your entire pay on a pair of yummy shoes because you’ve got daddy or hubby to take care of you. But pretty much anything can happen in a few years and if, God forbid, something does happen, I’m thinking those sassy red heels won’t look so good then. The more you save today, and put away in some smart investment scheme, the safer and more secure your future will be. Think about retirement and old age — it will happen soon and it’s best to be prepared. 

Learn to enjoy solitude

We spend much of our teens around friends, teachers and family. Our twenties are spent with bosses and colleagues. And, along the way, we get so used to this constant interaction that we don’t know how to function without it. So when we’re left alone to ourselves, we can’t help but want to run away. We surround ourselves with anything and everything to keep us distracted. But to be able to spend hours on your own — it’s an art form, a way to centre yourself, and to get the creative juices flowing. So by your thirties, you should not only learn to spend quality time with yourself, you should know how to love it! 

Instead of volunteering just for the sake of it, find a cause closer to you

We’ve all posted a picture or two on Facebook showing off our altruistic side. But we’re not fooling anyone — we’re only doing it to kill time and feel better about ourselves. Giving back means giving of oneself. Rather than searching for a random cause, look around you. If you know that a friend or colleague is going through trauma or that a relative is in a financial pinch, be there for them in all the ways that you can. Not only is this a better test of your character, it is something you’ll be motivated about it for a long time.

Don’ts

Fall ridiculously in love with a person without any expectations

I know, I know, love can happen at any time, at any age. But we’re hoping that by age 30, you’re done with both the crazy crushes that won’t work out and the relationships that are bound to fail. If you’ve decided you want to stay single, then stop wasting your energy on idiots. By this time, you should be clear about all the things you want and don’t want in a guy and the route you want the relationship to take. This is not the time to act like a love-struck teenager.  

Obsess about your insecurities

So you have some junk in your trunk, don’t understand the ‘love’ in your ‘love handles’, have arms that jiggle and jumble — now’s about time you GET OVER IT! Either get your dimpled butt on a treadmill or stop whining! Because really, what’s the point of  making plans to take care of yourself in the future? Do it now. Eat better and rather than trying to be as thin as Kareena Kapoor, indulge in physical activities that you actually enjoy. You’ll feel ten times better physically and emotionally. 

Quit a job for frivolous reasons

My boss is a witch. Quit. They don’t serve good coffee. QUIT. They won’t let me vacation for 45 days a year. QUIT! These excuses seem pretty reasonable at age 22 but they say more about you than the entire corporate world. Anything you do after 30 shouldn’t be done on a mere whim. It should be well-thought out. 

Fret about the wrinkles

You know this pretty smile of yours, pretty soon, it’ll give you laugh lines. That forehead that you furrow when you want to look all cute and confused, it’s eventually going to give you crow’s feet and whether you have a character or not, you’re still getting those defining character lines. So here’s what you do, throw an all-out fit, eat 10 boxes of ice-cream, whine about it for a night and then get over it. Fretting about these wrinkles won’t make them go away, but it might make them worse. So just stay confident knowing that people will focus more on your fab smile and the sound of your laughter than those tiny lines around your mouth.  

Cut out all negative influences and cement old friendships

By 30, it’ll be easier to spot all the important people who care about you and those who are only using and abusing you. So break free of the negative people. And as for the ones who make a difference in your life, treasure them even more, make sacrifices for them, clear out time for them and love them as much as possible.

Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, October 7^th, 2012.

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