10 Biggest fashion faux pas

Make these mistak­es nd you’ll go down the hall of shame.

KARACHI: Gone are the days when women could live the hippy life and be proud of their unshaved armpits and manly legs.

Thanks Giselle Bundchen for raising media’s expectations of what women should look like! We also can’t be easy breezy blond bimbos anymore. Thanks Paris Hilton for making a mockery of us! So what’s a woman to do? Look absolutely perfect 24/7 and also have a fully connected frontal lobe of course. So while reading the rest of the The Express Tribune may help with the latter objective, we’re hoping this article accomplishes the former.

1. Ditch the heels sometimes

As much as you’d like to believe, you’re neither Sarah Jessica Parker and you’re definitely not living in New York! For walking uneven pavements, avoiding lecherous stares and making less robotic movements, its best to always keep a pair of cute flip flops handy.

2. Buy clothes your own size

You no longer have the body of a flat-chested, love handle-less 16-year-old girl and if nature and your genes have their way, you’ll only look like Heidi Klum in your dreams. So the next time you buy some clothes, take your own wonky body proportions in mind.

3. Your feet need some ‘me’ time

Yes, they’re expensive, yes, they take too long and yes, they’re awkward (who likes exposing their dirty calluses to someone) but let me tell you, they’re more important than blowdrys.

4. Don’t you dare underdress!

The only good thing about being a woman is that you get to wear pretty heels and paint your pout a pretty lippy every now and then. So all those girls who are not making an effort are only missing out on a whole lot of fun.

5. Your neck is your own, powder it!

Yes, you want to marry Edward Cullen, but looking like a ghostly vampire on your face and an oompa loompa face down is a horrible way to win his affection. Realise that the narrow thing that connects your face to your body isn’t your enemy, so why not consider it part of your beauty regiment? This means, when you lather on moisturiser, sun block or powder on your face, give the neck some luvin’ too.

6. Don’t go Hulk Hogan on your pimples

Each time you wake up in the morning and discover a pimple the size of Kim Kardashian’s behind, don’t go all World Wrestling Federation on the criminal offender on your face. Be kind to it, and it may leave you facial features sooner. Strangle it or stop its air supply with concealer and the sucker may haunt you for the rest of your life.

7. Don’t flash your brands

When you have a brand name splattered on your bag, boot and behind, you only end up looking like Snooki after her “Jersey Shore” pay day. Smart women always mix and match their Salvatore Feraggamo goodies with their Zara and Mango stuff.

8. Don’t invest in fakes

It’s completely okay not to have a Louis Vuitton bag. But what is completely not okay is wearing a cheap copy. Trust me LV owners can spot fakes from afar.

9. Don’t choose the wrong undies

There is nothing more off putting then some unsightly cones sticking out from your sheer kameez. Even worse is when people let all their extra flab, hang from their tighty whities. The magic that spanx can do, I don’t think Chris Angel can ever match!

10. Don’t rely on old favourites

Yes, local brands like Daaman, Sheep and Generation and high street brands like Forever 21 and H&Ms are nice and affordable, but they tend to churn out the same thing with little variations. They’re also worn by every other person on the street. So instead of relying on the safe and obvious, discover an unknown brand or a struggling designer. Invest in an unconventional design and you’ll definitely stand out.

Published in The Express Tribune, February 27^th, 2012.