10 things I hate about graduating

Published: February 26, 2012
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It took 4 years, gigantic sacrifices of your ego, lots of tears, rants to come to terms with this place, its people. DESIGN: ESSA MALIK

It took 4 years, gigantic sacrifices of your ego, lots of tears, rants to come to terms with this place, its people. DESIGN: ESSA MALIK

1.   Endless trips to the registrar’s office. “Look, sir, I don’t care if this class is full. I’m a graduating senior and I need to get enrolled. This is my 739th trip to your office. Do you realise how many unproductive hours in the cafeteria I’ve sacrificed for this noble purpose?”

2.    Losing friends. They promise you that they would stay in touch every hour, minute and second but the only kind of attention apportioned to you is in the form of pitiful  “likes” on your Facebook wall.

3.   What am I to do once the fortification of the university walls collapse and I’m shoved head first into the world? There is no one to give me extensions on projects based on my whiny emails, imagined dead relatives, and creatively contrived diseases.

4.    The uncertainty. Should I go to grad school? If yes, then where? Should I run the mad rat race of the corporate sector? Or sit at home and wait for Prince Charming? No really, WHAT does this world want from me?

5.   More uncertainty. Am I graduating? No, no. This is too good to be true. Have I finished my credits? Have I cleared my dues? Have I filled out this form? And that? And that other one? Have I taken all my compulsory courses? Oh no, I still have to take Politics of African Eskimos.

6.   Rishta aunties. Well, yes I’m graduating from university. But that does not mean that I’m seeking a career in being the lifelong victim of your son’s fiendish ego problem.

7.   Castles in the air. Huge, grandiose, grotesquely unrealistic ones. You know something’s amiss when your Anthropology major friend says: “I’m going to get rich doing field work in the Rann of Kutch after graduation”.

8.   Fear. It took four years, gigantic sacrifices of your ego, and lots of tears and rants to come to terms with this place and its people. Will the real world be as patient? Do you have the nerve and energy to replicate your endeavours?

9.   Regrets. Tender troubles suddenly turn grave. After four whole years, you realise that you really did like him in ‘that’ way after all. But it’s too late since he’s scampered off with that scantily-clad, fish-lipped sophomore. Haye!

10.   Last semester laziness. Since you’re a graduating senior, you decide that you’re too cool to attend classes, buy your reading material, turn in any assignments or even care. Five hours before the final exam, you decide to log off Facebook, unpack your books and curse the “education system”, and regret your laziness.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, February 26th, 2012.

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Reader Comments (21)

  • oliver
    Feb 26, 2012 - 11:35AM

    Yes but you need to snap out of your graduation induced sleep … but if you will not do that then you are going to wait 1 whole year before you get a real job !

    Source:

    Personal Experience

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  • asma
    Feb 26, 2012 - 12:31PM

    a big truth as obvious OMG!

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  • Sam S.
    Feb 26, 2012 - 12:33PM

    Whoa there! That 7th point was a direct hit at many of our hearts. I being an anthropology major find that very offensive, I mean believe what you believe, do whatever you want to but for the love of God, keep your frustrations to yourself. We love what we do and we’ll make our ‘castles’ all safe and good and in REAL time soon enough IA. You just have to keep your unbased frustrations to yourself. Live and let live dude, it’s not that you can always feel good being the ‘sarcastic one’

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  • Feb 26, 2012 - 12:36PM

    Again 10 things to hate. Why not less or more ?

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  • MK
    Feb 26, 2012 - 12:37PM

    Spot on with number 9!!!

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  • sylar.
    Feb 26, 2012 - 12:38PM

    i am On the very same boat… Point 5 cracked me up!!Recommend

  • Pakistani Farm owner
    Feb 26, 2012 - 12:51PM

    You do know anthropology major people stand as much if not more chance of getting a job straight after graduation than business graduates.Recommend

  • derpton
    Feb 26, 2012 - 1:12PM

    congratulations; you’re not a baby anymore!

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  • Critique
    Feb 26, 2012 - 4:15PM

    In that case, please don’t graduate and spend the rest of your life in college.

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  • hadi hazara
    Feb 26, 2012 - 4:27PM

    If you really want to improve your skill as a writer than kindly please leave replicating this title again and again with such senseless contents. It can be a decent piece of literature for illiterate readers. If you are targetting mature readers than you are living in fools paradise.

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  • Feb 26, 2012 - 5:00PM

    Why girls write the articles with the heading “10 things i hate about” and why and how express tribune publish them ?

    http://fazoolstuff.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-hate-10-things-i-hate-about.html

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  • Laila
    Feb 26, 2012 - 5:35PM

    This is one brilliant piece Faiza.
    It’s always funny to read the comments below your piece and find really really stupid people being offended. The whole genre of satire seems to be wasted on them. And as far as the ‘senseless content’ is concerned, the whole point of blog is to provide a platform for more human stuff than drone attack and fiscal policies. Why can’t anyone understand this logic that you will find your sensible, routine, boring content back on the front pages and not here. I myself loved the piece and since we live in the anti-classical universe, the world wants nothing from you cause it’s not even there. You’ll figure it out on the way.
    Haha I had to bring it in somehow.

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  • Abdullah Noorani
    Feb 26, 2012 - 6:00PM

    well written…..

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  • Acorn Guts
    Feb 26, 2012 - 6:30PM

    The only thing I’ll take from this piece is that it doesn’t take much to get published by ET. Any 10 sentences long ramble held loosely together by exotic sounding adjectives (doesn’t matter if they are severely out of place) will do.

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  • Haris
    Feb 26, 2012 - 6:34PM

    The best thing about graduating is never having to see those fools you once considered classmates again

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  • Sane
    Feb 27, 2012 - 10:03AM

    @Acom Guts
    The article is satirical and hilarious indeed. It is good to read such things out of political, economic and corruption stuff. And It forced you to read whole, ‘hain na’. ET has a professional team knowing their job and they published which is liked by masses. No, matter if one or two do not like although reading repeatedly.

    Take satire with courage and enjoy. Faiza keep writing.

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  • Feb 27, 2012 - 11:52AM

    @Sane:Professional really :) cliché and banal heading but still they are unable to see.

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  • Sane
    Feb 27, 2012 - 1:41PM

    @Usman Shahd
    10 things is a series my dear. Its a new idea. Forget heading look at contents & format.

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  • Feb 27, 2012 - 3:49PM

    @Sane: I didn’t know that before, honestly that was making me sick, my apologies to the authors

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  • Sane
    Feb 27, 2012 - 5:46PM

    @Usman Shahid
    Dear you are a great man. This I say from my heart.

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  • Raza
    Feb 28, 2012 - 7:13PM

    Point 4 is unfortunately depressingly true. Point 6 and 7 were funny. For the critics, kindly note that articles with such titles are meant to be light-hearted and represent a break from the usual serious stuff, which is not found in the blogs and magazine features section eyes roll.

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