Young? Bored? Lonely? Get used to it. Given the current direction that we are moving in, the only remaining option for young people to entertain themselves will be to stare contemplatively at the wall. Just fix your eye on a spot and wait for sleep to take over. If nothing else, it will help pass the time. This is not necessarily a bad thing. A strict diet of quiet meditation could have served me well in my youth. The quest for entertainment led me to listen to some terrible songs and hold some regrettable hands. Thankfully, from this moment on, Pakistanis will be spared such traumatic experiences.
The War against Youthful Experiences is being fought hard and unrelentingly by brave warriors like Punjab Law Minister Rana Sanaullah. Using the kind of deft touch that can only be taught in the same school that produces Lahore High Court judges, the minister looked at the problems plaguing Pakistan today, like corruption, poverty, crime and terrorism and did the only thing a man devoted to the law could do: he proposed a ban on concerts. It was a tough decision and someone had to make it. And when times are as dark as these, with challenges as insurmountable, Rana Sanaullah is the man you want fighting for truth, justice and the Pakistani way. Like a local Judge Dredd, he saw past the clutter and brought down his meaty fist of logic. His mind leapt like Alexander confronted with a Gordian knot, except instead of slicing it in half, he proceeded to tie his own brain in the same knotted configuration. His reason for banning concerts was unquestionably manly. Anyone else would have taken a look at the tragedy that occurred at a recent Atif Aslam concert and decided to make whining and mewling complaints about greater need for proper event organisation and venues with properly marked exits. Maybe even a stricter adherence to limiting audience numbers. But Rana Sanaullah has no time for such childish haggling. If a tragedy occurred at a concert, then to him the concert is to blame. That’s just how he rolls. He is now going to shift his focus towards the recent tragic deaths of over 65 patients caused by medicines prescribed by the Punjab Institute of Cardiology. It’s only a matter of time before he responds by banning medicine, institutes, cardiology and patients.
So if you are young and wanted to listen to some live music, maybe jump around in an awkward approximation of rhythm, then do it fast while you are still allowed to. If, however, you want to indulge those yearnings for companionship and romance that we all feel and find that an open air park is just the place to do so, then your luck ran out already. No more can the young lover sit under the shade of a tree and read poems to his intended, nor can he and she inch their fingers towards one another’s hands on a wooden bench while birds chirp in the background. Maya Khan, self-appointed avenging emissary of decency, celibacy and parental disapproval will swoop down on you like a drone that is prone to breaking out into Bollywood dance routines. Flanked by an army of women who will hunt you down and lecture you with the precision of a laser-guided missile full of self-righteousness, she prowls the grasslands of Pakistan seeking out romance wherever it may dare to blossom. Samaa TV, on which she airs her wretchedly unwatchable morning show has clearly decided that ratings spikes are far more important than, say, responsible behaviour or respect for privacy. Which is why I am planning to put up cameras in their bathrooms that broadcast live.
So if you are young, get ready to get bored. Until someone finds fault in that too.
Published in The Express Tribune, January 26th, 2012.
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I agree how Maya Khan is hosting a shameless show but I hate how this article suggests that 'dating' & 'concert' were the ONLY 2 most important things left for Pakistan's youth and now they have nothing better to do!
Hilarious! I love the way you've worded it "Maya Khan, self-appointed avenging emissary of decency, celibacy and parental disapproval will swoop down on you like a drone that is prone to breaking out into Bollywood dance routines."
no wonder there has been an increase in our rating on the google "sex search" scale this year.. entertainment options are narrowing everyday in this country and our awam is becoming more and more desperate.. its a sad sad situation =(
wow how about bannning concerts, walks in the park and on the road,all discussions and for fun we'll .....hold public executions????
@azeez Drinking is banned? All it says about intoxicants and gambling is ' there may be some benefits but there is more harm from them,therefore should be avoided', That is the guide line, it is up to the Muslim individuals(and society as a whole) if they want to act responsible or not.
We elected them!
systematically society is pushing youth to drugs and guns, because boredom is not their choice.
Indeed we're living in sad times.
Next resolution: "Objectionable boredom is banned..."
Staring at the ceiling and blanking out all thoughts can definitely be called meditation. If in the process the nation can produce a few Philosophers and Thinkers, cheers to it.
Is Philosophy possible once all the 'correct answers' have already been given, and 'raising questions' is branded a sign of losing faith?
we dont need NO thoughts control !!
Oh my dear! be aware, there is "Maya ka Saya" in every park of Karachi while Mola Buksh (a stick to beat primary level student) Rana Sanaullah is looming over the heads of young generation in Punjab. These self-righteous people dam-care of human liberty.
@ Author:--I gazed and gazed at the title of your article "wasted-youth" till a crowd of sixty million strong came alive right before my eyes.I was looking at their sad faces but was unable to make-out the reason for their being so upset when suddenly my monitor-screen went on screen-saver mode and turned black.........I wish what I felt and thought at that spur of the moment is all untrue and false
So far as my knowledge goes putting a ban on something makes it more popular.I propose that the self righteous lot of the do gooders should learn about human psyche before they try to do some good to the masses
If I ever see Maya Khan in the street with any other man, even camera-man, im going to demand her to show me her Nikaahnama!
man this was a brilliant read!... I completely agree with you on the concert issue. you cant expect logical and rational decisions by them! and about the Maya khan drama mama : Hail Hitler! is all im gonna say! lol
I propose Karachi organizes a campaign, a record mass date at a park
Sami let us enjoy your funny articles till YOU and funny articles get banned too :-)))
Keep up the good work!
Excellent as usual!
.....but the PML-N have a funny side as well because they suggested Veena Malik should join the Senate in order to improve attendance, now that's Sami Shah style funny.
Exactly my sentiments!
Funny article. I think most likely they will end up reversing it out in one way or other. But let's keep the pressure on till then.
"Which is why I am planning to put up cameras in their bathrooms that broadcast live." All of us should get together and actually do this. Should teach those wretched people at Samaa a lesson. Regards,
good article. thanks. funny but sad.
Concert banning and Bollywood movie banning are subtle way of Talibanization and PAK is getting desensitized.
what is objectionable music? Christmas music?
Never heard of objectionable music until now. Who are the judges to decide that?
Welcome to PAK. If you have anything to declare, particularly Bollywood movies and Objectionable Music please throw it in the trash bin or we will I prison your mind. We only send our artists to India to sing objectionable music and act objectionably and pose objectionably. Here we are high and holy.
I agreed sir,