International man of mystery

Published: January 20, 2012
The writer is an Islamabad-based freelance communications consultant. She tweets @tazeen and blogs at

The writer is an Islamabad-based freelance communications consultant. She tweets @tazeen and blogs at

Mansoor Ijaz has been declared the most envied man in Pakistan according to the latest survey. The poll was conducted among married urban men aged 28-46 and they all agree that Mansoor Ijaz is indeed the luckiest of them all. Contrary to popular understanding, it is not his status as an ‘international man of mystery’ or his perfectly slicked-back-hair that has made men envious all over the country; it is his newfound role as an actor in a dubious music video.

Mansoor Ijaz has been known as an international businessman, a self appointed negotiator and broker of sorts, but ever since a video has resurfaced featuring the chief accuser of the memogate scandal as an actor, people have changed their opinion about him. “I thought he was a small-time troublemaker looking for glory, but who needs glory when you get to commentate for a naked female wrestling match,” said a Karachi-based banker, Ali. His colleague Saad agreed with him, gave a thumbs-up for Mansoor Ijaz and said, “Way to go man!”

A businessman from Lahore, who wishes to stay anonymous, thinks Mansoor Ijaz’s wife is the coolest woman on the planet. “OMG! There is a woman out there who wants her husband to partake in such activities and was there by his side all the way through. She is definitely a keeper.”

For most Pakistanis, the popularity of the video and envy for Mansoor Ijaz stems from the novelty of seeing a man who looks like themselves in a raunchy video with white women. “We always thought that it is the white dudes or the black guys who get to go to places like that, with Mansoor Ijaz in that video, it has given us the courage that we too can do stuff like that in future. All we need is a visa for Europe and some contacts on the other side,” said two high school best friends from an elite Rawalpindi school.

Mansoor Ijaz’s video has also created quite a stir in the lawyers’ community. Many lawyers have come forward wanting to represent him thinking it would give them an opportunity to experience his lifestyle. Mansoor Ijaz’s current lawyer has vowed to stay with him through thick and thin for the same reason. However, it is still not known if the businessman, ladies wrestling commentator and international man of mystery is in the market for a new lawyer.

It is not just the adult men who seem impressed by the memo man. It has been learned through reliable sources that high school kids who showed no interest in English language previously, now want to know the meaning of the words such as ‘tumbling’ and ‘nasty’. One kid even asked his mom if he can name his kitten ‘Double D’. It is not known, yet, if the mother relented.

A local video director is also considering using Mansoor Ijaz to do his music video, however, he does not know if he can afford the rich businessman. He has been told to approach him through his wife, after all, he only relented on his wife’s insistence the first time around.

Due to the success of the “Stupidisco” song in Pakistan, Junior Jack, the video producer, is considering hiring other Pakistanis for his future videos. Sources close to him have revealed that he has shortlisted Sheikh Rasheed amongst others to star in his next video.

Published in The Express Tribune, January 21st, 2012. 

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Reader Comments (21)

  • Nadir
    Jan 20, 2012 - 8:55PM

    I dont see how the music video is “dubious”, the song was a big hit, the video has been around for a very long time. In a globalized world, a rampant self promoter will make the most of every oppourtunity. The fact that people think that his bit part in a music video somehow alters the validity or lack thereof says more about us as a people, who are quick to pass moral judgement than on him.


  • Arifq
    Jan 20, 2012 - 9:15PM

    Wrestling! So that’s what they are calling it nowadays.


  • Seizure
    Jan 20, 2012 - 9:49PM

    Where is the link to this “poll”?


  • Supressed, Opressed, Depressed
    Jan 20, 2012 - 11:30PM

    Is this supposed to be a joke??! Whats wrong with Pakistani men?!


  • samsam
    Jan 21, 2012 - 12:36AM

    this music video that the blogosphere and E.T. has been talking about has been barely out on local tv channels due to its content nature. Interviewing the general public about the video done by the writer seems to be a bluff and “baat ka batangar” of something irrelevant.


  • TightChuddi
    Jan 21, 2012 - 12:41AM

    MI should be made the president of pakistan.He will organize a similar wrestling match beween the jernails of isi, army and people of opposition


  • Basit Khan
    Jan 21, 2012 - 1:35AM

    Epic satire Tazeen, ‘Thumbs Up’ ;)


  • Sarmad
    Jan 21, 2012 - 1:39AM

    The editors should have added a line saying that is satire – something like The Onion. Pakistan’s super stupid population wants a link to the poll. head desk or face palm


  • jahanzeb
    Jan 21, 2012 - 2:06AM

    I wish our Generals, Judiciary ask PTI to show Manshoor Ijaz vido in PTI Jalsas so people dont hate west any more as one of them is staring too.


  • John B
    Jan 21, 2012 - 2:22AM

    At least PAK lads now have a role model, perhaps?

    Can’t believe ET devoted two opinion columns for this sleazy video.


  • rk from NY
    Jan 21, 2012 - 5:24AM

    @Supressed, Opressed, Depressed:
    there is no men in pak only terrorists….whose brains are fried by attending madrassas and constant exposure to drones…!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Jan 21, 2012 - 5:41AM

    The Stupidisco video will bring peace to Pakistan if it is made mandatory viewing for all. There will be no more suicide bombings when the Taliban boys realize that paradise can be found right here on earth in a wrestling ring and they don’t have to blow themselves up to cavort with naked women.


  • Jan 21, 2012 - 5:50AM

    Mansoor Ijaz has been given a celebrity status by our media, ISI and other agencies and the Judiciary because of his dubious “memo.” It appears that our intelligence agencies are running after the shadows at the expense of real dangers to the security and stability of this country. It would have been much better if Mr. Nawaz Sharif had filed a petition on the prevailing situation in Balochistan or the rise of religious extremism in this country.Recommend

  • Mirza
    Jan 21, 2012 - 12:25PM

    Pakistanis needed a role model and ISI with the help of PCO SC has found one in Mansoor. Even though we hate Americans and their lifestyle we love our star witness MI to the extent that all his vitriol against Pakistan, army and ISI has been forgotten.


  • Seizure
    Jan 21, 2012 - 1:12PM

    or maybe Pakistani journalists are really bad at writing satire.


  • Pak Tester
    Jan 21, 2012 - 2:24PM

    Quite a Satire. Four Thumps Up Tazeen.


  • Omar Haroon
    Jan 21, 2012 - 7:51PM

    There really needs to be a disclaimer indicating that this is satire for those poor folks who lack the mental capacity to grasp that this article is not entirely what it seems. Interesting article overall though.


  • Tony Singh
    Jan 21, 2012 - 7:54PM

    A classic case of tail waging the dog. One man is making fool of entire Pakistani establishment.


  • zahir
    Jan 21, 2012 - 8:23PM

    A cat named double D. Now that would be funnyRecommend

  • Straight Shooter
    Jan 22, 2012 - 7:12AM

    @Mr Khalid Pathan: Good analysis. I can’t believe I’m from the same people. Embarrassing.


  • Straight Shooter
    Jan 22, 2012 - 7:18AM

    @author. If there’s any such poll and it’s true, then those guys are retards. I live in a Western country and I and my friends think that guy is a cheap attention seeker.


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