10 things I hate about barber shops

Published: January 22, 2012
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The disapproving sniff. Yes, my hair is a mess. That’s why I’m here. PHOTO: AFP/ FILE

The disapproving sniff. Yes, my hair is a mess. That’s why I’m here. PHOTO: AFP/ FILE

1.    They’re no longer called barber shops. Apparently just calling yourself a salon allows you to add a 30% margin to your prices.

2.    The back-of-the-head mirror glance. After the haircut, the barber always flashes a mirror and asks me if I’m happy with the way he has cut parts of my hair that I otherwise would never be able to see. The first person who tells them, “No, I’m not satisfied” deserves a ticket straight to heaven, which is probably where he’ll be headed after the barber goes all Edward Scissorhands on him for the rebuke.

3.    The magazine selection. Why, in a men’s barber shop, would you keep only men’s fitness magazines? What’s a guy gotta do to get an FHM or Playboy?

4.    The disapproving sniff. Yes, my hair is a mess. That’s why I’m here.

5.    “How would you like your hair cut?” Well, I’d like it cut really short so I don’t have to see you again for six months.

6.    Becoming a captive audience. I’m stuck in that chair until the barber tells me it’s time to go home. Until then, I have to listen to every inane thing he says and I’m afraid if I don’t give a sufficiently interesting reply he’ll nick me.

7.    The “blade or machine” question. It can be really hard to decide if I want to risk getting AIDS or have my neck tickled by a buzzing machine.

8.    The massage. I know how dirty my hair is and now I have the barber who has been handling my hair for the last 30 minutes ask if I’d like a neck message. Not with those hands, buddy.

9.    The risk of murder. Here’s an enclosed space filled with sharp scissors and there isn’t a security guard in sight.

10.  The guys with the photographs. Dude, just because you’re showing an underpaid man a picture of Brad Pitt doesn’t mean he can make you look like him.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, January 22nd, 2012.

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Reader Comments (10)

  • OH BOY!
    Jan 22, 2012 - 1:00PM

    lame!

    Recommend

  • Jan 22, 2012 - 1:25PM

    Ok this article was a serious waste of time. Half the things here are those which have never even come to my mind. And the other half have been exaggerated. Kudos!

    Recommend

  • Ameer
    Jan 22, 2012 - 1:27PM

    um, you cant get AIDS from a blade in a barber shop. This is a pretty stupid article.

    Recommend

  • Jan 22, 2012 - 1:40PM

    not that good but I too hate spending tyme in barbar shop :(

    Recommend

  • Jan 22, 2012 - 1:52PM

    Non sense! Seems you had to write something anyway..

    Recommend

  • Yoda
    Jan 22, 2012 - 1:52PM

    Razors embedded with what seems to be a particularly contagious strain of HIV, dirty icky hands of the “lower classes”, sharp metal and no security guards? Wow man, you have it rough. Hope you managed to get back home without having to face the plebs knocking on your car window or having to make eye contact with your servants. sigh First world problems in a third world country.

    Recommend

  • Asjad
    Jan 22, 2012 - 2:23PM

    The 6th point is a good one:)!

    Recommend

  • waqar
    Jan 22, 2012 - 3:28PM

    you can get AIDS from blades in a barber shop. But only if the blades are being reused. The next time you go for a shave, ask always for a new blade. Its your right.

    Recommend

  • Dude
    Jan 22, 2012 - 3:34PM

    this article is a complete waste of time

    Recommend

  • truepak
    Jan 22, 2012 - 4:04PM

    I hate the wait for my turn and also when the barber expects you to tip him in additon to the fee.Recommend

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