10 things I hate about my mother-in-law

Published: November 27, 2011
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She’ll brag about “exercising for hours” every day when all she actually does is tittle-tattle with gossipy middle-aged aunties at the gym, while walking in slow motion on the treadmill.

She’ll brag about “exercising for hours” every day when all she actually does is tittle-tattle with gossipy middle-aged aunties at the gym, while walking in slow motion on the treadmill.

1.    Her “I-am-so-young” complex. I hate how she blatantly lies about her age. She should be more careful with her math when she proudly claims to be 43 years old, with a 26-year-old son.

2.   The contradictions in her personality. She constantly claims that she is ‘modest’ and ‘humble’, but still goes to weddings sporting enough bling to put Missy Elliot to shame.

3.    Delusions of being the best mother-in-law in the world. She endlessly recounts anecdotes of satanic mothers-in-law just so that I am utterly grateful that mine has not drenched me in kerosene and burnt me alive or spiked my milk with rat poison.

4.    Unsolicited advice. When will she learn to mind her own business and quit telling me to “stop family planning”? How long do I have to wait for the day when mummy jaan does not (un)enlighten me with ways to keep her son happy?

5.    Faking respect. Gone are the days when I could imperiously patronise my mother for mispronouncing words or wearing an atrocious dress. With my new “mom”, I am supposed to be on my best behaviour — that includes biting my tongue every time she epitomises a sartorial catastrophe or invites me to eat “lowbuster”.

6.   Boot camp on Eid. What pleasure does she draw from forcing me to wake up at 7 am, dress up in gaudy wedding wear and entertain dozens of nosy relatives the whole long day? Thanks to her, Eid is now a hellish experience.

7.   The tendency to exaggerate. She’ll brag about “exercising for hours” every day when all she actually does is tittle-tattle with gossipy middle-aged aunties at the gym, while walking in slow motion on the treadmill. No wonder mummy jaan stays flabby despite her “physically rigorous routine”.

8.   The constant comparisons with her own daughter. Every now and then, she smugly tells me how her daughter prepares seven-course meals for her in-laws and gives her sasu maa expensive gifts. While most of her not-so subtle insinuations fall on deaf ears, they do end up making me cringe with irritation.

9.    The attempts to trap me with her smooth talk. She coaxes me to take charge of the household because she believes I have “strong leadership skills”. But “taking charge” is actually a euphemism for household drudgery and my “strong leadership skills” are simply intended to cut down expenses for domestic help.

10.   Kitty parties. Being married automatically makes me a member of a universal married aunties’ club. Mummy jaan makes sure I attend every dreadful kitty party and contribute to the heated discussions on manicures and clothing.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, November 24th, 2011.

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Reader Comments (47)

  • Tennis
    Nov 27, 2011 - 12:54PM

    your husband should also write a same article for his mother in law..”20 things i hate about”

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  • mango-man
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:06PM

    one of the most pathetic posts! and then u say Men are responsible for violence against women

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  • Anonymous
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:10PM

    Umm your first one is completely wrong, A 43 year old woman can have a 26 year old son. Back in those times when she must have got married, she was prolly too young. And if you wouldnt have written this article, wasting time here rather you could have done something for her and given some time to her, she would have given you some respect. when you give respect, you get respect.

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  • Parvez
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:11PM

    Your mother-in-law has one grumpy daughter-in-law. Enjoyed the read.

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  • Ameera
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:22PM

    Oh wow! You are in deep trouble now with your Mummy Jaan! :P

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  • Asad
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:24PM

    I feel bad for your husband. period !!

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  • rk_india
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:30PM

    you forgot cat-fights…

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  • blah
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:41PM

    what a perfect combination of a very farigh saas and an equally farigh bahoo

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  • your mother-in-law
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:43PM

    come see me in the living room in five. bring the jharu along.

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  • umm.
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:45PM

    Express Tribune…REALLY?!

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  • RZ
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:54PM

    wow…you are one born-with-a-silver-spoon-spoiled, and utterly ungrateful daughter-in-law! I mean, lying about her age…THAT’s your problem?
    next time she takes you to a party and shows you off to her friends and relatives on Eid…think that maybe she does that cause she’s proud of you.
    and oh. be glad that she hits the gym at this age and you don’t have to take care of her. (not that you would if you had to)Recommend

  • Anum.R.A
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:55PM

    It isn’t always this way- sounds more like a monster-in-law than mother-in-law.

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  • Amal
    Nov 27, 2011 - 1:55PM

    Can’t believe the ET published this ridiculous post!!! What a sad writer!

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  • Samra Alauddin
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:05PM

    That is just…wow.

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  • H Javed
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:05PM

    What is this, star plus?

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  • Hira
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:10PM

    think of it as your own mom doing it.

    would you write an article like that for her?

    the points u’ve mentioned are ordinary flaws every individual has, not particularly mother in laws.

    i’m sure ur own mother would also ask u to consider “stop family planning”.

    would u feel the same when she said it?

    this article is plain sad.

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  • Sena
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:23PM

    There is a bit too much irritation but then everything said
    sounds like bog standard Aunty behaviour. Twattish comments
    on the article though.

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  • Kay Jay
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:23PM

    What a piece ET ! .. I am not married yet but what i have seen happening in my friends and family circle is the lack of space given to a newly wedded bride .

    Sisters and mothers consider Their son or brother their ultimate property and the new arrival in their home, when takes away the attention of their ” chand ka tukra ” really drives them mad .
    What i will say here; is when a son is getting married , mothers should learn to let go of him and quit treating him or his wife like teens.

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  • Nov 27, 2011 - 2:30PM

    God… how ungrateful you are!! Your husband should come up with a 20 liners for his mother in law as well to show what a bad image you are putting for no one but yourself!

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  • Pakistani
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:33PM

    The star plus story.

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  • I like to blah.
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:39PM

    I can see the moochein in the picture hahahaha!

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  • amna
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:52PM

    Okay…the article is okay but there are far worse things daughter in laws have to face after shadi…use highlighted just a few..I won’t even call a few points as hatred..it just irritated by her which is why everything seems bad..u shud atleast thank God u belong to a susral which has KITTY parties n gym going mother ob laws..
    But yes..I agree that maybe the readers dont feel the severeness of the situation as they Arr not the ones dealing with it .
    And the guys who have posted against this article, just imagine if u had to leave ur house n family n move to a place where u have to be on ur best behaviour 24/7…not complain, not scream…just be a tabeydar banda…even the car in the porch would bite you then!!

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  • FJ
    Nov 27, 2011 - 2:55PM

    STOP BACK BITING! ..go ask for her and Allah’s forgiveness!Recommend

  • Aviator
    Nov 27, 2011 - 3:10PM

    I cant believe people have time to write such pointless articles. Trying to look funny here ? Sorry you failed miserably

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  • NH
    Nov 27, 2011 - 4:09PM

    Terrible read, come on ET, you can do better.

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  • Sun
    Nov 27, 2011 - 4:20PM

    you guys (commenters) do realize this is meant to be a (somewhat) exaggerated/fictional account with generalities about mothers-in-law, right?

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  • Sahar
    Nov 27, 2011 - 4:45PM

    Gone are the days of fighting for your husband’s attention and an evil MOI forcing you to do house work, instead of smooth talking you into it. Recommend

  • Mani
    Nov 27, 2011 - 5:07PM

    This was hilarious!Recommend

  • Sana
    Nov 27, 2011 - 5:13PM

    Brilliant..way to go gyaalll :D

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  • Sami
    Nov 27, 2011 - 5:26PM

    I will ask to you to right an article about yourself when you become a mother-in-law.

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  • Ahmed
    Nov 27, 2011 - 6:13PM

    A pathetic attempt at wit. Quite pathetic indeed. A better job it could have been had a little more thought gone into this.Recommend

  • Usman
    Nov 27, 2011 - 6:18PM

    dumbest of all dumb things…Recommend

  • Afshan
    Nov 27, 2011 - 6:19PM

    1-sided story… this is wat u think abt ur mum-in-law,,, but u shud also write wat she suffers..

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  • Ali Hasan
    Nov 27, 2011 - 6:52PM

    @your mother-in-law:

    hahaha BEST comment!

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  • Sweet Dee
    Nov 27, 2011 - 7:13PM

    invites me to eat “lowbuster”

    That was pretty hilarious.

    Otherwise I don’t see what the point of this article is, other than “if you have friends in the media industry, you can get anything published.”

    If you’ve got nothing nice to say about someone close to you (especially your relatives), keep it to yourself or within your family at least…no need to tell it to the world.

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  • sigh
    Nov 27, 2011 - 7:23PM

    this has to be the most irresponsible post i’ve read to date.wake up and see what things are like for the common people. they don’t have anything to eat, no place to live, no money for medicines. reflect upon your own ‘issues’ and then decide. Recommend

  • Umair Waheed Sheikh, Khayban e Hafiz,IBA Karachi
    Nov 27, 2011 - 10:16PM

    My future mother in law farts in front of me. This is the most annoying habit I have seen. Come to think of it. What will her girl do when we get married in Dec?

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  • Sh
    Nov 28, 2011 - 6:35AM

    @Umair Waheed Sheikh, Khayban e Hafiz,IBA Karachi:
    that made me LOL…so funny! and unheard of..

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  • rizwan raja
    Nov 28, 2011 - 9:34AM

    enjoyed the comments more then the article.. :D

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  • Azash
    Nov 28, 2011 - 4:24PM

    mine’s much worse but no 1 and 8 are absolutely true.. good job but i wonder what will happen to you nowRecommend

  • nida
    Nov 29, 2011 - 5:24PM

    this article is in really bad taste, and for all of you complaining about you respective mother in laws, ever wondered what kind of women you are?

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  • Liz
    Nov 30, 2011 - 2:10AM

    @Anonymous
    Right on!

    @RZ
    Well Said.

    @Jehanara Dar

    I think you are a very lucky lady to have a mother in law like the one you have. and you are equally unlucky to waste your time back biting her. Atleast you don’t have one of those typical sassu maa’s who back bite, mentally torture, or brainwash their son’s against their wives.
    You have no idea what a bad mother in law is like.. consider yourself Blessed!!!

    please respect your mother in law as if she is your own mother, or even more, as
    it is because of her you have the wonderful life partner that you have :) and try to ignore anything which irritates you in fact give her all the love you can!

    Recommend

  • Ubaid
    Dec 3, 2011 - 7:17PM

    U got ur desired attention..lol

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  • Ubaid
    Dec 3, 2011 - 7:19PM

    Well, frankly speaking without any bias, everyone should mind his own business, but still when you own responsibilities, then you have to bear the social taboos as well, else you have a simple choice, wait for kinda person who is all alone, so u wont have to b the way, society expect you otherwise. Again meeting people is not a bad deal at all.

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  • Ali Kazmi
    Dec 10, 2011 - 10:12AM

    is it ET or evening special?

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  • anonymous
    Dec 27, 2011 - 2:36PM

    @AMNA

    U have talked about guys but u must know that guys have sisters too.
    I have 3 elder sister. 2 married and if i write about the incidents and scenes which led to their marrige, it will be a long story and i will start crying here.
    But stil I even dnt like my sisters (even stop them occationally at home) to back bite their mother-in-laws.
    Whatever happing at their home must be settles down there. I think thats better way to handle such situations.

    (Sorry for poor English for those who feel this bad :P)

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  • bilal
    Jan 8, 2012 - 10:13PM

    lolzzz so funny…the coments :p :D

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