2. Photographers. Even ordinary folks don’t escape the scrutiny of the lens, and by the time the flashbulb goes off, it’s too late to wipe that awkward grimace or open-mouthed stare off your face — it’s already been immortalised.
3. Cameramen. As they pan across the crowd looking for that perfect ‘reaction shot’ they’ll be sure to zoom in just as your face contorts into the most horrible of expressions.
4. Which brings us to the next pitfall of a televised award show: you’ll soon realise you’ve unconsciously tempered your laughs, whispered comments and expressions of mock horror so that you won’t look like a total idiot on camera… this realisation, of course, makes you feel like a total idiot.
5. The disappointment. Is Meera-jee really that short? She looks like a giantess onscreen. Did that model really just apologise for bumping into me? I thought they were all mean girls.
6. The blink-and-you’ll-miss-it once over. Everybody minutely scrutinises everybody else’s hair, makeup and clothes, but miraculously, these up-and-downs are timed so well that you only catch the tail-end of the appraisal… at which point your appraiser will look away and you can begin your inspection of them at your leisure.
7. The lack of variety. Every year, whether you watch an award show in person or catch the televised version days later, you see more or less the same faces. Our celebs (all 10 of them) may get older, fatter or thinner, but you can’t quibble about their longevity.
8. The acceptance speeches. They’re usually so diplomatic. Why can’t somebody pull a Michael Moore, just to liven things up?
9. The hunger. If you haven’t stashed your purse with some nibbles to last you through the night, you’ll soon start wondering if that glitzy dance routine was just a hallucination brought on by your stomach’s attempts to digest itself.
10. That overwhelming urge to message/tweet all your friends about the outrageous off-camera celebrity antics you just witnessed — a desire that is totally at odds with the nonchalant vibe you’re trying to project.
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, October 9th, 2011.
COMMENTS (12)
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I think a school teaching wit and humour should be opened for all hosts of Pakistani shows.And I think all actors and actresses should speak only in Urdu. And any actress especially Meera should be penalized for uttering even a single word in any other language except Urdu.I think a severe punishment should be given to Meera and her likes for trying to talk in a foreign language. I think I should be given the opportunity to impart the punishment. Only then, will this problem be solved.
I thought it was a good piece. Your content may not have had enough weight but I like the way u write. Infact, halfway through the article, I scrolled up to look at the author. Exp liked point1 and 7.
And for the 'yawners', how about a little 'constructive' criticism instead? the fact that You read the entire article, (and then went ahead and left a comment) rather than closing the tab after reading the first line def says something :)
Cheers
-Z
i'd be embarassed to be at these shows (even in the audience). You seem so proud and excited about it
As much as nobody cares about Pakistani cinema, nobody cares about these award shows too. You should write on more significant topics than this one.
Hamna, honestly, nobody cares about award shows here in Pakistani entertainment industry. And Pakistani celebs don't have that great fan following.
yaaaaaaaaawns...........asleeeep!!!
Excellent points. The thing I hate about Indian and Pakistani shows is the attitude of participants especially those sitting at front seats. Their body language looks very stupid and disgusting. Only exception is Mr. Amitabh Bachan. He is always involved and happy. Its fun to watch him.
Waste of space
Wow what a relevant piece of news yawn
YawnZzZzZzz....
YawnzZzZZz....