Adeel Afzal says rigid masculinity leaves men emotionally isolated, fuels anger

Actor criticises TV dramas for glorifying controlling male characters, promoting unrealistic relationship expectations

Actor and writer Adeel Afzal has argued that Pakistani men are trapped by rigid ideas of masculinity that deny them emotional expression, warning that the resulting frustration often manifests as anger and makes it harder for them to understand or support women's rights.

Speaking on Iffat Omar's digital podcast, Afzal reflected on the pressures society places on men, saying their worth is often measured solely by their ability to earn, provide and project strength, while their emotional wellbeing is largely ignored. "Society will pressure a man saying, 'You earn well, you write well, you read well, you fit in everywhere, you look good, but you aren't a real man, are you?'" he remarked.

According to Afzal, men are conditioned from an early age to suppress vulnerability and focus on fulfilling traditional roles. Whether working in physically demanding jobs, serving on borders or carrying financial responsibilities, they are rarely encouraged to engage with sensitivity, beauty or emotional self-awareness.

 

 

 

 

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He identified a major flaw in conventional notions of masculinity: men are seldom allowed to express helplessness, fear or despair, despite these being universal human experiences. "When men face these feelings, they do not have the tools or permission to express them safely," he said. "This often turns their internal pain into outward anger."

Afzal argued that this emotional isolation affects not only men themselves but also their relationships with women, making it more difficult for them to understand conversations around equality, empathy and women's rights.

The discussion also turned to television dramas, which both Afzal and Omar said often reinforce unhealthy ideas about relationships and masculinity. They criticised the recurring portrayal of male protagonists as controlling, aggressive and emotionally unavailable, warning that such characters teach audiences to associate dominance with love.

"We feel we will get respect only when we suppress or control someone else," Afzal observed, suggesting that repeated exposure to these narratives normalises power imbalances in relationships.

Calling for more nuanced storytelling, he urged writers and producers to move beyond outdated formulas and create characters who evolve through genuine personal growth.

As an example, Afzal pointed to the Indian film Dum Laga Ke Haisha, whose male lead is neither flawless nor heroic. Instead, the character struggles with his circumstances, confronts his prejudices and gradually changes, making his journey feel more authentic and relatable.

 

 

 

 

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The conversation also explored the entertainment industry's reliance on familiar romantic tropes, particularly wedding-night scenes that often bear little resemblance to reality.

Omar shared a humourous anecdote from her own life, recalling that her wedding night was far less dramatic than the versions typically shown on television. "Instead of it being a dramatic, love-filled sequence, I spent the wedding night sitting on the floor counting my salami out of pure curiosity before falling asleep," she said.

Afzal revealed that while writing a wedding sequence for an upcoming project, he spent three days trying to avoid reproducing the same scenes audiences have seen countless times before.

He argued that production houses frequently encourage writers to stretch such storylines across multiple episodes, contributing to a cycle of repetitive storytelling. "The industry faces creative blocks because it recycles the same tropes over and over," he said.

Beyond media portrayals, the pair also highlighted the often-overlooked role women play in managing household finances and family responsibilities, even as growing numbers pursue careers and financial independence.

Reflecting on the foundations of healthy relationships, they argued that genuine connection can only develop when people feel safe enough to communicate honestly without fear of rejection, judgement or violence. "True connection only happens when the fear of violent reactions or rejection is removed, allowing people to speak their truth," they said.

Ultimately, Afzal suggested that both society and television suffer from the same problem: an unwillingness to embrace emotional honesty. Until men are allowed to be vulnerable and stories are permitted to reflect real human complexity, he argued, audiences will continue to inherit unrealistic expectations about relationships, power and identity.