Why flock to a '90s show about nothing?

'Seinfeld' is back - this time on Blu-Ray

SLOUGH, ENGLAND:

Out of all the memories I have of Karachi - dangling off the 11C from Johar to Sadar and negotiating with rickshaw drivers spring to mind - walking into one of my favourite stores to stock up on cheap DVDs makes it to the top five. Karachi may be a thousand things (hot, humid, permanent construction site) but this city also hosts one of those magical stores that allows you to purchase both a box of chocolate wafers as well as a collection of '90s sitcom DVDs.

Which is how I embarked on a love affair with Seinfeld that continues to this day when there is nothing good on TV. Evidently, others feel the same way, because according to Variety, a Blu-Ray box set version of all nine seasons of Seinfeld will be up for grabs in December to celebrate the show's 35th anniversary. Friends fans may politely disagree, but Seinfeld remains America's definitive TV sitcom, starting off with a pithy six-episode order from NBC in 1989 and ending with 76 million people tuning in to the series finale in 1998. And what a finale that was. A gold-standard ending the likes of which we may never again have the privilege to witness.

A show about nothing

But first, let us backtrack. Why, pray, are we still talking about this show about nothing? Just what is so amusing about people with big hair embroiled in plotlines involving deleting messages from answering machines? Or standing aimlessly in a Chinese restaurant waiting to be seated and making frantic phone calls? Or regifting a cashmere sweater?

Because underneath the problems emanating from prehistoric technology and dodgy cashmere sweaters are some very human stories about, well, just how not to behave.

For example, Seinfeld teaches us that it is frowned upon to steal a loaf of marble rye from a respectable elderly woman, whatever the circumstances. We are taught that it is extremely important to check our mail carefully, or our Pakistani neighbour may just end up getting inadvertently deported. The show also takes pains to teach us that it is unwise to feign a disability to your colleagues just so you can use the disabled toilets at work. With our gang getting everything they deserve as the curtain draws on the series, here is a masterclass on just what comedy should be about - ranging from genius comic timing, catchphrases to incorporate into your daily life ("Serenity now, insanity later", "yadda yadda yadda") and wild plotlines that dovetail into the most exquisite little conclusion.

Is it like 'Friends'?

Heavens, no, although there are similarities. Like in Friends, our protagonists Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer are based in New York. Like Friends, they congregate in one person's apartment or a restaurant (where they magically always get the same table). We have our very own weirdo (Kramer). They are all Caucasian. This is as far as it goes, because where Friends attempted to blend comedy and a tugging-of-heartstrings, Seinfeld treats heartstrings as though they are radioactive waste: i.e. never to be touched.

In this spirit of being anti-heartwarming, what does Seinfeld offer us? We have four people who have varying degrees of success. None of them are good-looking. They are all average, although how Jerry manages to attract women week after week is a mystery. Just how George agreed to get a woman to marry him is less of a mystery, but it is also an education in not plunging into the horror of impending marriage before you are ready. Fortunately for George, the fiancée manages to drop dead by licking cheap envelopes containing their wedding invitations. Not a single tear is shed (although a massive sigh of relief - from George - is issued.)

With a gang unshackled by the tedium of remorse, head on over to Seinfeld and watch this shameless quartet get their comeuppance. You may go to Friends for the heart, but Seinfeld will give you something even better during these dark days: pure laughs, uncorrupted by heart.