All of my days

All of my days

Zorain Nizamani May 17, 2024
The writer is pursuing his Masters in Criminology and Criminal Justice from Northeastern University. He can be reached at


Growing up, you had your idols. But did the society get you to trade them for ghosts? Are you a shadow of yourself? Did you lose the valour you had?

We’re all growing up and growing up we realise that fairytales don’t exist, unless you’re Jamie Vardy playing for Leicester City. Then you do what you want.

You dreamed of saving the world, having a routine life with a pretty wife and one and a half kids. But soon you realised, it was all about drinking overpriced, bland coffee and paying taxes till they buried you six feet under.

Either way, idealistic notions only take you so far. As Rocky said, life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, it’s a mean world. Is it though? Or do we collectively play a role in fostering hostility. We do so in the pursuit of wealth or excellence, or both.

Where does God play a part in all this? The days keep turning into nights and we wonder what’s the end to all this? The sky breaks to our promises, some fulfilled, some broken. Some never made. What’s worse than failure? Words left unsaid and the uncertainty of what could have been and should have been.

Sometimes, you see clearly when you look far. But you can’t look far amongst the chaos and noise. And maybe that’s where solitude plays a part. Because then, it’s just you with your thoughts and many can’t breathe amongst their own thoughts. Scary place to be, in your own head hearing yourself. If you talk to God, you’re religious, if God talks to you, you’re delusional. What madness! What a fix to be in!

But that’s the requirement of the game, perpetual struggle to keep disappointment at bay. How do you know what success is unless you taste failure? Unfortunately, many only taste failures. Oh, the sweet taste of victory that evades the struggler. Life is full of disappointments, for some people. But it is hope that keeps one afloat. The hope that things will take a turn for the better.

Will they? We won’t know. Do we want to know? Maybe not. No news is good news.

You don’t always get what you want. Once you do, it loses value. It’s the law of diminishing returns. Then what’s the fuss about? Why bother working hard for something that will lose value soon? The young might not be so dumb after all. Apart from the occasional slip-ups, the young have it quite good. Do you expect a fool to see what a fix he’s in?

We’re living in our card board houses, exchanging expensive gifts and using our wonder drugs. How long will it go for till we see it doesn’t make us happy. Self fulfilment? Evades me. Burn all your bridges and keep what you have. Dwell in your misery. You only miss God when needed.

The city’s sick, but what can I do? All the saints have been hung and the sages are in the bars with their indestructible faith and invisible tears.

Living with one’s crazy thoughts in a rational world. Charles Manson, ring any bells?

Keeping crazy thoughts aside, how far does lucidity get you? In the end, again, it’s all about being at peace, having a roof over your head and getting food on your table. Don’t let them fool you or change you. It’s called a dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. These masters of wars want you to die with the bombs they make while they sit comfortable behind their desks.

So, what’s the subliminal message in my oh so coherent lecture?

Work hard and let it be. Do what you can, do it with pure intentions and do it with zeal. Whatever it is, darling young one, keep doing it because the road gets steeper.

Be kind, until it’s time to give up your window seat on the plane because the kid’s throwing a tantrum, then don’t be kind.

Published in The Express Tribune, May 17th, 2024.

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