All is well in Pakistan

Another day of celebrating the country’s independence is upon us and the question remains: what should we celebrate? Perhaps the fact that no one is above the law in our great state! After all, the incumbent Speaker of the National Assembly, Raja Pervaiz Ashraf is the only Prime Minister, post-dictator Musharraf era, who has not gone to jail. 

It is also worth celebrating that on Pakistan’s 76th Independence Day, it stands out as one of the few ‘democracies’ in the world, where there is no dissent. Over here, a same-page approach remains supreme in the better interest of our security. And, why would there be any dissent? People always end up voting (miraculously) for the King’s party – kid you not, some have woken up from the dead to cast a ballot. 

Sure, it is not all smooth-sailing, there are a few major problems like: relying (completely) on foreign loans to bankroll the elections of MNAs and MPAs, via development funds; a population of more than 240 million, which is growing at a staggering 2.55 per cent; 99th out of 121 countries on the 2022 Global Hunger Index; the world’s 2nd highest number of out-of-school children with an estimated 22.8 million children aged 5-16 not attending school, as per Unicef; and being amongst the 10 nations that are most-vulnerable to climate change. 

And, then there are some ‘smaller’ problems as well: ranking 140th out of 180 on Transparency International’s Corruption Perception Index; 150th out of 180 on the World Press Freedom Index released by Reporters Without Bor¬ders (RSF); 129th out of 140 in the Rule of Law index; and 145th out of 146 countries on the World Economic Forum's 2022 Global Gender Gap Index. 

But all these problems can be swept under the rug because the lovely thing about being a dissent free country is that we do not complain, we just smile and wave (and occasionally pray for Divine help that our study/work visa applications go through, so we can post TikToks saying: ‘goodbye Pakistan’). 

Anyhow, who cares about these rankings? The only (fictitious) ranking we care about is having the 2nd most beautiful capital in the world – a true feather in our cap. Besides, rankings are useless, because as per the Minister of State for Petroleum we have more than 6 trillion dollars’ worth of minerals in our country. An amount, which is, once again as per the Minister, more than the total valuation of Amazon, Apple and Google combined. Obviously, the Minister is wise beyond his years, to equate a sovereign security state to three companies; and we can celebrate the fact that Ministers both past and present are equally wise. For instance, the former Minister for Climate Change once implored that the handsome Prime Minister deserved credit for the good weather in the country. Another former Minister, who served as Minister for Science and Technology, once said that the Prime Minister’s helicopter’s operational costs were a measly Rs50 to Rs55 per kilometer. Are such ‘selected’ intellectual giants, representing the populace in Parliament, not worth celebrating? 

Going back to the issues. These are not pressing issues per se. As long as we have the newly set up facilitation window for foreign investment, a Prime Minister (whoever he or she may be) ready to polish (his/her) boots every morning before work, a bureaucracy ever-ready to make public policy decisions via X (Twitter), and judges willing to invent unique jurisprudence on similar issues without overruling past precedents, then no power on Earth can stop Pakistan from turning its dust into development. 

Hence, lots to celebrate about and precious little to be gloomy over. The future is certainly bright. We are doing much better than our competitors, North Korea and Afghanistan. So, hopefully, you enjoy the lights and fireworks shows, arranged by the government and paid for by the 3.5 million tax filers (or the IMF, Saudis, Chinese or Americans). Pakistan Zindabad, Pakistan Paindabad!