Offbeat: Drunker than thou...

Priest shows up drunk to a baptism in Sacramento.

September 04, 2011

Dentist visits unhappy hippo

When the patient with a toothache weighs 3,000 pounds, he doesn’t go to the dentist — the dentist comes to him.

A North Carolina veterinarian made a long-distance house call to a hippopotamus in a Puerto Rico zoo who was getting a little long in the tooth.

It was another day at the office for Dr Mike Loomis, chief vet at the North Carolina Zoo, who’s been filing the lower teeth of Tony the hippo at the Parque de las Ciencias Luis A. Ferre for 20 years.

After sedating the huge mammal, Loomis takes a saw to trim the chompers before they can cause oral problems to Tony. Years ago, before he became Loomis’s patient, Tony’s bottom teeth cut through his upper lip.


Kangaroo caught nicking knickers

A kangaroo, after escaping from his owner, went on a knicker nicking spree.

Benji bounced from garden to garden in Prague, Czech Republic, collecting ladies lingerie as he went along. He was only caught when one victim looked out of her kitchen window and saw the two-year-old marsupial hopping it with her undies.

A police spokesman explained: “We had a call from Benji’s owner saying his pet kangaroo had escaped. At the same time we started getting reports of a number of thefts from washing lines”.

“We didn’t think they could possibly be related until he was caught red-handed,” he added.

Benji’s owner Petr Hlabovic, 35, said: “I’m very relieved to have him back. I’ve got no idea what he thought he was up to — he certainly didn’t pick up the habit from me.”


Beaten by a 90-year-old woman

A feisty 90-year-old German woman chased away three would-be burglars from her rural farmhouse with her cane, police said on Monday.

The retired farmer was moving around her house with the help of a walking frame and spotted the intruders — two men and one woman.

She grabbed her cane and started beating the burglars with it. The trio fled the house in a town outside Muenster.

“It was quite courageous of her,” a police spokeswoman said. “But on the other hand it was also quite dangerous. She was quite fortunate that nothing serious happened.”


Mr Feathers refuses to be ruffled

A five-month-old featherless chicken has become something of a local celebrity.

Owner Lao Yin said the unique chicken, who is housed at his farm in Laoshan, Qingdao, northern China’s Shandong Province, is often bullied by its peers.

“I started to notice it was different 10 days after its birth because while others were fluffy, he was almost naked,” said Lao Yin.

Lao Yin called the featherless chicken Ha Mao (Mr Feather).

Not only does Hao Mao not grow feathers, but it also puts on weight very slowly. It weighs less than half a kilogram, while its peers are two to three kilos.

Lao Yin also owns a farm restaurant, and Ha Mao is quite a hit there.

He added: “Some customers visit and take pictures of themselves with Hao Mao. And some have even offered me high prices for it, but I have refused.”


Drunker than thou...

Looks as if this priest needs to ask for forgiveness.

After allegedly showing up drunk to a baptism on Saturday at All Hallows Catholic Church in Sacramento, Calif., Rev. Julian Medina was been suspended by the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento.

The 64-year-old was scheduled to baptise 15 children in front of about 150 people, but instead showed up one hour late, slurred his words and had to be carried out of the church after falling over. A worker had to call in a deacon to perform the sacrament.

“We apologise to the families who had to experience this incident,” said the Rev. Santiago Raudes, a canon lawyer for the Catholic Diocese of Sacramento. The priest has been with the diocese since 1978, but Medina was fairly new to the church.

A diocese spokesperson said officials are still investigating the matter, but that Medina will be offered help if it turns out he has a problem.


Say aye aye to the ipad

A Denver bride said one of her bridesmaids couldn’t make the ceremony in person, so she participated via webcam and an iPad held by a groomsman.

Jamie Alberico said her best friend and bridesmaid Renee Armstrong was in Virginia Saturday when she got married to Jonathan Alberico, but was able to participate virtually with the help of a white iPad carried down the aisle by a groomsman.

“Renee called dibs to be my bridesmaid many many moons ago and unfortunately she couldn’t physically make it out here but thank you, technology,” Jamie Alberico said.

“She got to see the whole ceremony, she got to meet everyone and be here for the reception.”

Armstrong said it was a great experience even though she was 1,600 miles away.

“I got all teary-eyed during the ceremony and I couldn’t have gotten that from pictures,” Armstrong said.


Woman attacks cash machine with stiletto

Wiltshire police are hunting for a woman who was caught on CCTV smashing up an ATM with her shoe.

Officers said the as yet unexplained attack took place shortly after midnight on Saturday July 2 in Chippenham.

The woman stood at the cash point in the market place for several minutes before removing her shoe and striking the machine “almost 50 times”.

She appeared to make a second attempt to use the machine before removing her shoe again to repeat the attack.

At one point she can be seen taking a run up at the Barclays bank hole-in-the-wall.

The attack left both the key pad and the screen out of order.

Detective Constable Richard Gardner of Wiltshire Police said: “This was a completely senseless and inane act which caused sufficient damage to make the machine unusable for other customers.

“I would like to hear from anyone who recognises the woman shown in the CCTV or who has any information in relation to this incident.”


Brushing hair can be life-threatening

Thirteen-year-old Scottish teen Megan Stewart can’t brush her hair while sitting up.

It’s not that she wouldn’t want to — rather, if she does, she runs the risk of her brain shutting down because of static electricity.

Stewart has a rare condition called “hair brushing syndrome,” which is triggered from static electricity. The condition is so rare that Stewart’s doctors had only ever heard of one other case of the condition.

As a result, Stewart can’t touch balloons, nor can she wear shiny clothing, because of the danger of static shock.

And now, Stewart brushes her hair upside down, with her hair hanging over the side of her bed, to avoid the risk of static electricity. She also has to keep it damp while brushing it.

It all started three years ago, when Stewart’s mom was brushing her hair on her first day of the sixth grade. As her hair was being brushed, Stewart “flopped over and her lips turned blue,” said her mother, Sharon.

Stewart’s condition might be a result of birth complications. She was born weighing two pounds and five ounces, with a hole in her diaphragm, causing her stomach to fall through and only one lung to grow because of the lack of room in her body.


Inflated electrician high on air

An electrician nearly died in a horrific and bizarre work accident when he was ‘inflated’ by a pressurised air line which went up his bottom.

Dad-of-one Gareth Durrant, 26, was wiring a caravan at the factory where he worked when the large pipe — carrying compressed air at around 300lbs per square inch — shot up his back passage.

He was rushed to hospital where scans revealed a six-inch tear in his bowel and severe damage to his intestines. He then faced hours of emergency surgery to save his life while wife Sarah, 25, waited anxiously with their toddler son Daniel, three.

The op repaired the tear and also involved performing an ileostomy leaving him with a stoma bag to collect bodily waste — and the ‘inflation’ means some of his clothes no longer fit him.

He was unable to eat properly as he was vomiting food and now suffers agonising stomach pains and cramps as well as depression, anxiety and panic attacks.

He has also not been able to work since causing this huge financial strain on his young family. Wife Sarah, who is currently eight months pregnant, can now only work part-time because she has to look after her husband and their three-year-old son.

Gareth is pursuing a civil claim against his employer and a court will decide whether they were responsible. If they are found liable he will be able to claim compensation.


Published in The Express Tribune, August 31st, 2011.

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