Letting go and life

In psychological realms, the human mind is the very ground where the seeds of thinking, emotions and actions are sown, nourished and cultivated as social behaviour. As emotional beings with latent intellectual capacity, humans undergo various experiences — some are rewarding while others are otherwise. This taste and distaste stem from experiences, thought patterns and actions that we live through at an early age. Anything that benefits us or confirms our nascent beliefs or behaviour turns out to be our choice, and vice versa. As we grow into adulthood, the sense of emotional attachment to what we deem dear becomes stronger. These attachments form the nucleus of our thought pattern and ultimate behavioural tendencies.

However, soon we realise that events, people and life hardly respond to our mental horizon, but for fair reasons perhaps. As circumstances affect many people in society, their conformity to each individual aspiration would defeat the interest of people around us. This dichotomy in our thoughts and realities puts us at the crossroads of life and leads to a war in our minds. This battle is between our perceptions and longings and the unfolding realities around us. More often than not, the realities triumph over our aspirations of dictating them. The defeat raises the shackles of regrets, grudges, resentment and desperation and robs us of the joy of the moment. We begin to be overwhelmed by negative energy, people, memories and events, so much so that they end up lording over the rest of our lives. And for all defeats, no one but we ourselves are responsible because we decide to hold on to their fallouts.

What do we need to do when events turn out contrary to our aspirations? The answer is in acknowledgement of the fact that we cannot selfishly shape the outside world. Nor should we try to dictate unless we are influential enough and the expected outcomes are for the larger good of those around us. Anything that we selflessly try to control ultimately controls our lives. We can, however, change it by refining our terms with the surroundings by balancing the two opposite forces of holding and letting go.

Holding on, in this context, means keeping relationships, experiences, memories and thoughts that bring us joy and fulfilment while letting go implies releasing what harms or holds us back. In other words, holding on too tightly to the past or things that are no longer serving us can prevent us from growing in life. Similarly, letting go of everything and constantly seeking change can also be detrimental to our well-being. A fulfilling life, as Rumi suggests, demands a balance between the two.

However, striking a delicate balance between the two forces is easier said than done; we often reluctantly let go of positive things and hold on to negative ones. Though we might not afford to possess or hold on to everything that serves us, we are much more empowered to let go of what doesn’t. It might not be easy to let go of many things that even bother us, but disengaging them produces engaging outcomes. Many times, letting go might be hard, but holding on hits us much harder. The road to the art of letting go might initially be challenging, conscious efforts and practice can transform life into a serene and more fulfilling one.

As an important aspect of life, letting go positively impacts our emotional, mental, social and physical well-being. It helps us undo our dictating behaviours and inculcates a mindset of social inclusion and coexistence. It allows us to heal the scars of time, people, events and relationships. It sheds off the irritants or predisposing factors that keep us stuck in agony. Letting go affords us an opportunity to unlearn and relearn, and stimulates growth by making space for fresh things and opening us up to new experiences. It enables us to embrace change and adapt to the dynamic realities of life. Selective responses to things, distractions, people and thoughts can help make life worth experiencing.

Published in The Express Tribune, May 14^th, 2023.

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