1. The lack of originality. Just because the name Apple worked, it doesn’t mean you can cash in on the whole fruit thing. You’ve only encouraged mobile manufacturer to come up with more silly names. I really don’t want to own a phone called a Mango, Lychee, or Banana. Imagine telling someone that your Banana isn’t working — crazy and wrong on so many levels!
2. The mad addiction to the flashing red light. Why isn’t it flashing? Is my phone okay? Did I break it? Is the network faulty? Was I offensive on my BB status? Do my friends like me? They must hate me. That must be the only reason why no one has bbm’ed, messaged, emailed or called me in 96 seconds.
3. The unending conversations on BBM. When MSN conversations would get boring, you could simply pretend that your internet was crap, there was a bijlee breakdown or your dad needed the computer. But with BBM, there is no way to casually end a conversation with a boring person.
4. The horribly slow browser. It reminds me of the days when an entire orchestra played before your internet started.
5. If you dare to watch a video on BB, be prepared to spare 1 complete hour to watching the 5 minute video on YouTube.
6. Blackberry isn’t smart and intuitive. More so, out of all the smart phones, the Blackberry seems to have ADD, severe dyslexia and is a retarded counterpart in its class.
7. The tantric trackball and trackpad. What seems fun at first quickly becomes annoyingly painful to use. Plus, if you ruin the trackpad (which I have once), you can search from Saddar to Defence, no one will be able to fix or replace it.
8. How quickly the battery becomes “too low for radio use”. What is THAT supposed to even mean? So while I’m charging the stupid thing, shouldn’t it allow me to make some calls? Why all this ‘leave-me-alone-to-recharge-myself’ drama?
9. The ridiculously long startup process. There is no SMART phone in this day and age which takes as long as a Blackberry to initialise and start up.
10. The hype surrounding it. No no, they should call it the hypeberry! All those stories about your instant addiction to BB, your growing love for 24/7 communication and your world changing once you get a BB couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, August 21st, 2011.