In Asser, I found a best friend and companion: Malala

In a recent essay, Malala has clarified her previous stance around marriage and what made her change her mind

The youngest Nobel Prize laureate Malala Yousafzai announced Tuesday she has tied the knot in an intimate ceremony in Birmingham. The 24-year-old married Asser Malik, the General Manager High Performance at the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB). The couple took to social media and shared pictures from their small nikkah while requesting prayers.

Several prominent public figures from around the world including Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, Chelsea Clinton, Priyanka Chopra, Katrina Kaif and Reese Witherspoon, as well as YouTuber Lilly Singh, congratulated the Nobel laureate on both Twitter and Instagram. Several Pakistani public figures including Meesha Shafi, Mira Sethi, Zara Noor Abbas, Muneeba Mazari, Aima Baig, Shehzad Roy among several others also sent the duo their heartfelt congratulations.

However, others criticised Malala's choice of marrying early and brought back her old Vogue interview where she had shared her reservations around the notion of getting married to someone instead of opting for a partnership. Now, in a recent interview with the same publication, the activist has offered clarification on her previous stance around marriage and what made her change her mind.

"'I do not want to get married... or at least not until I’m 35.' I heard myself blurt out those words – reactionary, half-consciously – many times over the last few years when asked about the relationship." Malala penned for the outlet. "I wasn’t against marriage, but I was cautious about its practice. I questioned the patriarchal roots of the institution, the compromises women are expected to make after the wedding, and how laws regarding relationships are influenced by cultural norms and misogyny in many corners of the world. I feared losing my humanity, my independence, my womanhood – my solution was to avoid getting married at all."

She went on to add, "I couldn’t call myself a feminist if I didn’t have reservations." Malala then added some facts, backed by sources, where 12 million girls aged under 18 get married every year. "For most of these girls, marriage is not a fulfilling partnership – it is servitude. Growing up in the north of Pakistan, girls were taught that marriage was a substitute for an independent life. If you don’t study, get a job and build a place for yourself, you must get married soon. You fail your exams? You can’t find work? Get married!"

Recalling growing up with girls her age being married off before she had even given a chance to decide how she wants her life to be lived, Malala added, "Some girls dropped out of education because their families could not afford to send them to school; some started school but didn’t do well enough to meet their families’ expectations. Their parents decided their education was not worth the cost. For these girls, marriage means their lives are deemed a failure."

 

 

 

 

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Speaking about her partnership comment, the activist shared, "When Sirin Kale asked me about relationships in my British Vogue cover story last July, I responded like I had so many times before. Knowing the dark reality many of my sisters face, I found it hard to think of the concept of marriage. I said what I had so often said before – that maybe it was possible that marriage was not for me."

Malala then shared how she met her husband, Asser, at Oxford. "In the summer of 2018, Asser was visiting friends at Oxford and we crossed paths. He worked in cricket, so I immediately had a lot to discuss with him. He liked my sense of humour. We became best friends," she continued. "We found we had common values and enjoyed each other’s company. We stood by each other in moments of happiness and disappointment. Through our individual ups and downs, we talked and listened to each other. And when words failed, I sent him a link to our horoscope compatibility, hoping the stars could help reinforce our connection."

The trailblazer went on to add, "In Asser, I found a best friend and companion. I still don’t have all the answers to the challenges facing women – but I believe that I can enjoy friendship, love and equality in marriage. So, on Tuesday, 9 November, we celebrated our nikkah at home with our families and closest friends in Birmingham."

Divulging into details of her special day, Malala wrote, "It was a small affair and group effort. My mother and her friend got my wedding clothes from Lahore, Pakistan. Asser’s mother and sister gave me the jewellery I wore. My father booked the food and decorations. My assistants organised photographers and a make-up artist."

She added, "My three best girlfriends from school and Oxford took off work and travelled to be there. I put henna on my hands myself, after discovering I was the only one of my family and friends who had the talent! Asser spent several hours in the mall with me the day before the ceremony, buying his pink tie and pocket square and my sandals. My little brothers even wore suits."

Malala signed off with, "We were thrilled to share this joyful surprise with everyone who cares for us – and we are excited for the journey ahead."

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