It is not about ‘aaj kal ki maen’

No, it is not about today’s mothers or, as you call them “aaj kal ki maen”, Sir Abrar. By giving this statement you and your like-minded gentlemen of today are subsequently comparing them with women of the previous generation which happen to be our mothers.

Motherhood and the feelings attached to this state do not evolve; it is the society around us that is constantly changing and demanding of us to evolve with it.

No matter what method one chooses to conceive, even today a baby cannot be born without spending the specified duration in a woman’s womb. The flesh and blood with which the baby is made defines motherhood. Even today when a child gets physically hurt, his eyes await the sight of his mother. This connection is what defines motherhood. These physical and emotional investments are not time-bound.

What you have highlighted is not a fault in the upbringing of today’s mothers; it is a by-product of the society in which you and I live.

Let’s recall the time of our childhood. Children playing on the streets and running errands for their busy mothers was a common sight. A four-year old girl playing with her elder brother and his friends in front of her house was safe. A teenage boy buying snacks from a nearby shop was also safe. Grandparents, uncles and aunts would willingly and joyously take up the responsibility of looking after babies and sucklings. Only then would mothers engage themselves in household chores all day with their mind in peace and heart all content that their children of all ages were in safe hands.

Let’s fast-forward to today’s age.

A four-year-old girl playing with her friends in front of her house gets abducted and her parents find her mutilated corpse from a nearby nullah after two days.

A teenage boy who went to buy some snacks from his neighbourhood store goes missing and his parents receive his dead body after a couple of days with this piece of information that their boy was assaulted before being brutally murdered.

An 18-month old girl is killed by her uncle on making too much noise.

A two-year old boy playing on the gated street in front of his house with a house help is picked up by an unknown motorcyclist whose whereabouts could not be found.

Can the mothers of today spend their whole time in kitchen or office with same mental peace and contentment of heart? Can they be cent per cent sure that their children are being taken care of out on the streets or even inside their own homes? This fear, Sir Abrar, is motherhood.

This constant fear of losing children at the hands of opportunist predators and paedophiles led mothers to tag their children along with them all the time. They wanted to keep children right in front of their eyes, but the challenge was to provide them with adequate activities to keep them busy.

When these children saw their mothers running errands through their mobile phones (thanks to today’s age of advanced technology!), their fathers working beyond designated office hours at home on their laptops and phones, and their grandparents watching news on television and reading newspapers on phones, they also sought to use the same accessory which today can be seen in every single person’s hands. Hence, “aaj kal ki maen” had to put on “Baby Shark Doo Doo” and hand over the phone to the children so they could remain busy while their mothers work in offices or cook and clean at homes.

The onus of upbringing has never been only on mother’s shoulders, neither in religion nor in ethics. But blaming today’s mothers for misdeeds of the whole society and comparing them to an older generation is not only wrong but also absolutely unjust. It is not “aaj kal ki maen” who should be blamed; it is “aaj kal ka muashra” (today’s society).

And just not on a lighter note, not all kids like Baby Shark Doo Doo. Many, including my two-year-old, are fond of “The Wheels on the Bus”.

Published in The Express Tribune, November 3^rd, 2021.

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