A perplexed tale of impairment

As December 3 is commemorated as the International Day of Disabled Persons, being a visually impaired person, I believe giving a meaningful voice to the unearthed emotions and silent journey of people possessing diverse impairments. Some may relate to it, and the experiences of some may differ as well.

The perplexed whispers of acquaintances and strangers around me pushed me out of my sweet world of dreams, and the realisation of my presence in this ruthless world dawned upon me.

As I pondered the proposition to reconcile with my existence, I immediately sensed uneasiness within my surroundings. I began wondering as to the reason for the gloominess in my family members’ tones and the varying remarks (from sharp to consoling, and from harsh to sympathetic) of people gathered around them. However, my fragility did not allow me to figure out these intense conversations.

These state of affairs continued for quite some time, and before the severity faded, I gradually began assembling the jumbled pieces: that I have entered the world with some inherent defect (most likely some incurable one); that I would probably be a continual source of discomfort for my near and dear ones for the rest of our lives.

With time I had learnt the art of making sense of conversations around me, out of which the prominent ones were in the form of tips and instructions to my family. Some advised them to keep me in wraps, away from unfamiliar human influence; some suggestive of handling me with utmost delicacy; while few wise ones were of the opinion that I should be kept at a distance from the familial circle for their own good in the long run. However, I was still far from comprehending the collective substance of these jigsaws.

Hence, my impending life was all set to turn into a hotchpotch of bunch of advices and so-called expert opinions, coupled with the naivety of my caretakers.

My intellectual horizon was eclipsed by indoctrinating in me the theory of exclusion on pretexts of deformity. I was forced to encase myself into the safe of such a precious jewel which can neither be disposed of to reap its perks, nor exposed to the external environment. This conduct was enough to crush my instincts of envisioning an aspiring future for myself; my recreational inclinations were suppressed by constant reminders of any unforeseen or probable mischief, my social life was jeopardised by obvious projection of my ‘defect’, my self-confidence was ruined by conscious efforts of ensuring my dependency on others.

All along I have been facing peculiar behaviours, that is, either I was displayed as a master-piece with all its attached unique qualities, thus, making me feel special. Or I was labeled as a symbol of ceaseless misery, thus forcing me to believe that I am only entitled to infinite compassion and mercy.

If on the one hand, I faced uncharitable remarks of people less educated, on the other, cultured fellows cornered me through their punch of abandoning indifference.

Despite my desperate efforts, I have never been afforded the liberty to create an inclusive environment for myself or exhibit casual mannerisms. Consequently, I apprehend a severe deficit of the requisite civic indoctrination and art of reciprocity within.

In spite of my academic and professional accomplishments, all my intellectual dispositions have failed me in evaluating as to whether I should be ashamed of my ‘defects’ and detach myself from the entire world or to counter the challenges thrown at me steadfastly. Nevertheless, what I have managed to gauge is that this very journey of mine between the two extreme tendencies and my quest for a middle path could only be channeled by adopting the trail leading up to the reformed social norms and transformed cultural notions. Having said that, I believe this task would remain unperformed unless people around me are not imparted with the requisite rules to deal with individuals having distinct physical or mental characteristics. Therefore, despite all these ‘inadequacies’, I find convincing myself that this very battle is harder to win on the mere basis of identification and rhetoric alone. It would be me who has to take on the challenge of conveying the message of empathy and deference across myself by way of utilising my strengths.

I would reiterate that, to fight against such social inadequacies, I myself will have to take the first step and take a stand in order to make people realise that I cannot be subjected to any extreme behaviour. I too am equally deserving of a moderate treatment like any other ordinary individual. In my humble opinion, the demand for my rights is subservient to the feeling of being recognised neither as a deficient nor as an extraordinary individual, but as a person of equal capacities.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 2^nd, 2020.

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