This refers to the fawning encomium to kaptaan by Dr Arif Alvi, published on these pages on August 3. One would have thought only simpletons like Zohair Toru (enter the name on YouTube) and assorted, mostly under-voting-age ninnies were duped by the cricket and cancer hospital kaptaan. But no. We have other takers too.
Having blindly followed Bhutto in the 1960s, Dr Alvi is now equally blinded by the chamak around his fuehrer. No matter what the chief spook of Pakistan said some months ago about his outfit having distanced itself from politics, we all know how kaptaan’s radiance comes to be. We also know that, as night after dark night has plagued this sorry land in the past six decades, the kaptaan will be foisted upon the hapless people to farther further deepen the gloom.
As Gattuso (whoever on earth is he?) says in the priceless Extension to Murphy’s Law, “Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse”, we should prettily prepare ourselves for the coming cycle of once again going from bad to worse.
Referring to Bhutto’s schizophrenia between the feudal and the people’s leader, Dr Alvi crows: “Khan has no schism.” Hoping against hope for the betterment of this sad country, the writer has been roundly conned.
Consider: on June 4, a fundraiser for the cancer hospital in Lahore (no fight with the hospital) was organised in Birmingham. Scheduled to begin at 8 pm, the show had two chief guests: Sunil Gavaskar and the kaptaan. Gavaskar was there at 7:55 pm and sat in the allocated seat in the front row (I presume). The kaptaan showed up at 8:50 and burst upon the stage without invitation from the Master of Ceremonies. Apologists, please do not offer lame explanations for this lack of decorum.
There was a cursory and sullen, “Sorry I’m late.” My informant who attended the show, having purchased an expensive ticket, told me that the usual about having been (what else?) caught up in the traffic followed. Why couldn’t the man leave off whatever he was doing well in advance to be on time for a show especially arranged for him and his hospital? Obviously, he did not give a darn fig for the unwashed (for him) who sat in the audience and whose money was going to make the hospital run for some more time.
Then there is the letter in another newspaper (July 31) from correspondent Alamdar Murtaza who lives who lives in G-6/4, Islamabad. Mr Murtaza’s lane also houses the office of the kaptaan’s party that professes to stand for justice in the country.
One day recently, (no date given) the correspondent and his mother returned home to find the lane blocked by haphazardly parked cars. After waiting for “what seemed an eternity”, the writer’s mother (who was driving) honked the horn for the road to be cleared. “In a flash a man in a crisp white shalwar-kameez came bumbling out and yelled at my mother...” is what Mr Murtaza tells us. It transpired that kaptaan was holding a press conference in his office.
This, then, is the justice that the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) will give us when (note: I do not say ‘if’) in an orchestrated (no points for guessing who will do this) landslide, the kaptaan comes in leading the motorcade. Apologists will trip over each other to tell us that the man could not know a lowly minion was humiliating a prospective voter. In that case, I say, he has no right to be a leader. Remember: in the armies of Alexander the Macedonian and Babur the Mongol, rape was unknown because both kings came down mercilessly on offenders. That is the hallmark of a great leader.
Make no mistake; this is the justice PTI will serve up. It is more of what we have always had. In addition, you’ll get arrogance stuffed in your face. Not just by the kaptaan but by all other white shalwar-kameez-clad buffoons in his tow.
Those who follow this man, be warned: in the sewer of Pakistani politics only scum will rise to the top. This is just some more of it.
Published in The Express Tribune, August 6th, 2011.