Adnan Malik pens down his battle with anxiety post 'Sadqay Tumhare'

He revealed how even five years after the serial he still sees a therapist and does not act often

Director-cum-actor Adnan Malik, revealed that he has been battling anxiety all his life and how working in Sadqay Tumhare made him realise that. In a recent Instagram post, Malik quoted his mental struggles as the reason behind not acting often, as he explained how draining the character Khalil was be for him.

“The thing I didn’t know about acting was that when the director calls cut, I should leave the character there, but I didn’t. I took Khalil home with me. I slowly became Khalil. I didn’t know where I started and he ended. It was also at this point that I realised I have severe anxiety and being in front of the camera exacerbated that,” he shared.

“I’ve spent a lot of this time managing my burn-out, embarking on new kinds of directorial projects, reading, yoga, developing a daily wellness and spiritual practice, working out and turning my intentions into actions. It’s been very rewarding. However, every time I go out, people just can’t help asking me why I am no longer ‘on the screen’.”



Malik explained that curiosity is appreciated, but sometimes it becomes overwhelming. “Everyone seems to think that because I had a couple of successful projects, I should pursue this full-time. And that money, fame and influence is everything. But it isn’t. Wellness, connecting to purpose and self-care is everything.”

He then penned down his take on acting, in the process of which he revealed his life from scratch. He recalled himself as a person with low self-esteem who never wanted to act, but was good at it because he had acted all his life to be someone he wasn’t.

“I never wanted to be an actor, but I think I had a natural proclivity for it because in one way or another, I’ve been ‘performing’ since I was a kid. I performed for affirmation and validation – Hid many parts of myself so I could receive love and acceptance from my parents, family and even society at large. For very long, I played the ‘perfect’ son. I didn’t feel anywhere near perfect on the inside. In fact, I had very low self-esteem but never shared that part of me with anyone - even myself.”

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The Cake star then reminisced how everyone would address him as this tall and handsome individual which is why he decided to act. Malik shared, “Through some bizarre, but serendipitous twist of fate, I was asked to play Khalil in Sadqay Tumhare. I decided to take it on because all the elements seemed right. In the past, I had refused dramas so many times, but this time, I couldn’t find a reason to say no. So I dived right in.”

This was followed by Malik discovering that he suffers from anxiety, during which the he revealed a lot of things he went through during the shooting of Sadqay Tumhare.

“Without any real training, I took on one of the most challenging tasks of my life: to portray someone else’s life and to try and do it with integrity, heart and verisimilitude. I extracted myself from my own life and dedicated all that I had into this masterfully crafted biographical world. I was raised as a ‘perfectionist’, and I couldn’t fail. Hence I put myself under tremendous pressure to be ‘excellent’. I remember there were times I had to do 30 retakes because I would sabotage my own performance thinking it wasn’t good enough,” confessed the director.

He then spoke about how the most heart-wrenching parts of his methodical acting ruined his life. He said, “When I had to be angry, I didn’t know how to access authentic anger, so I dug deep into my childhood to find it. Places in my sub-conscious that I had buried; shadows that lingered in dungeons of shame. I triggered them. And then everything went off balance: I lost serious weight, would be up all night, worried about my performance, I would sometimes cry without knowing why. I began to resent my parents, disconnected myself to all my friends and relationships, and It all became too overwhelming. I had accessed my inner child and brought him to the surface and I was ashamed. I needed help.”

Malik continued, “After filming the drama, I decided to see a therapist. It was the single best decision I’ve made for myself in my whole life. And that moment was the beginning of my journey of connecting with my true, authentic self.” He then added that it’s been five years since Sadqay Tumhare, but he still goes to therapy and the serial helped him figure himself out.

He concluded, “Acting is deep for me. It’s not about portraying someone else; it’s about actually surveying my own experiences and bringing them to the surface. Acting for me isn’t ‘faking it’. On the contrary, it’s the most honest thing I can do. And it’s powerful. So yes, I’d love to do more acting projects, but the project has to have a certain integrity and vision to it. If I’m giving so much of myself to something, it’s got to be meaningful.”

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