Those western-imperialist-baby-eating-drone-flying-war-mongers are at it again. Tarnishing the image of this noble and pure nation of ours. Don’t they know that their propaganda cannot work here? That all their vile and blatant attempts are doomed to failure? Has no one told them that all Pakistani’s are born with a thin layer of an anti-Pakistan narrative filtering gauze over our ears that only thickens with time? Haven’t they heard that we Pakistanis cannot be anything but shining paragons of humanly virtue because we put “Islamic” in the full title of our country? Clearly not. How else can one justify the base lies and vile falsehoods in this latest report independently published by the Thompson Reuters Foundation. The clear work of a group of Jewish bankers sitting in the basement of the Bilderberg headquarters while taking time out from scuffing the shoes of their Hindu-Illuminatis masters, the report alleges that Pakistan is the third most dangerous country for women.
Surely the claims that 1,000 women and girls are victims of honour killings every year and that 90 per cent of Pakistani women suffer domestic abuse are pure fantasy fiction. No doubt, they were paid off by India to say this, although not paid enough to prevent India from appearing one spot below us on that same list. Besides, have you ever seen American television? The women wear the kind of clothes that should be relegated to lurid descriptions by maulvis who are trying to inspire the next batch of suicide bombers. At least we don’t let our women dress like that! That has to count for something?
Personally, I blame the media. If they hadn’t been highlighting every rape and honour killing, we wouldn’t look so bad. The journalist community is using disgusting things like ‘truth’ and ‘reportage’ to show the world a side of us that is really not that helpful. If they only focused on digging up those positive stories about how we hate negative stories, things wouldn’t be so bad.
I also blame the women. They complain too loudly after being raped and murdered. Why do they need to shine the spotlight on injustice by taking their story to the rest of the world. Don’t they know this affects the rest of Pakistan badly? That it lowers our morale? All women are clearly Hindu-Zionist-Islam-hating spies of the CIA.
It is for these reasons that we are proud to say that the ‘report’ and all its ‘findings’ will be completely ignored here in Pakistan. Us Pakistanis are wise to your demoralising trickery and shall not let these attempts to ruin our honour go unanswered. After all, it’s for that same fragile honour that we have been forced to kill so many innocent women. What is a life when considered against something so intangible and misguided? Sure, in some cultures, honour is actually increased by treating women well and respecting their rights and freedoms. But those cultures are full of Jews. Any good Pakistani knows that a woman cannot be trusted with freedom, rights and life. That is why we Pakistani men take this heavy burden upon ourselves. To not even be thanked for so tirelessly murdering and raping is just rude. If you don’t believe us, ask our women. Once we beat them enough that they give you the answer we want them to.
So please don’t expect these researches to have any effect on the way women are treated in Pakistan. It is for their own good and besides it’s all the media’s fault. Just ask any man. Unless he’s a Christian or Ahmadi. They aren’t to be trusted either. In fact, just stop paying attention to us altogether. Just leave us alone, in the dark.
Published in The Express Tribune, June 19th, 2011.