Real mothers can be feminist too

Published: July 7, 2018
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The writer is the co-founder of Women’s Advancement Hub and tweets @AishaFSarwari

The writer is the co-founder of Women’s Advancement Hub and tweets @AishaFSarwari

One-size-fits-all model does not always lead to happiness, success, economic progress or even environmental sustainability. Yet it is proposed, enforced and demanded over and over. Lately, there has been a focus on the defence of the good old values and our culture. This means traditional marriage, the harbinger of patriarchy, followed by obvious motherhood i.e. there is only one way for a woman to be fit to be a woman – to give a man his heir.

Yet we know that when women obey and take the above route, she cannot be the celebrated “real mother”. The prime ministerial candidate Imran Khan defined this term in his interview to Amber Rahim Shamsi on TV – one of the country’s most successful women media professionals. He mansplained to her and half of this 190-million country how to be a “real mother”. In a very prescriptive way he went on to lay out exactly his model of perfection in his once-charming voice and once-electrifying charm. He also said he disagrees with “western feminism that has degraded motherhood.”

The values Khan propagates for women’s wombs frankly neither guarantee happiness, nor stability, nor create security for the family unit. In fact these “real mother” values that demand domesticity and static feet from women only reinforce oppression. Only one in ten women will escape domestic violence in Pakistan, and the likelihood of violence increases when a woman falls pregnant. I urge him and his party to look this up.

His party trolls, women and men alike, are defending his comments as non-chauvinistic and non-misogynistic but that’s not the fight. If this came from a head of state, it is also borderline criminal – given what he is advocating for keeps Pakistan’s poor well below the poverty line. We have always been among the worst five countries in terms of women’s economic integration in the country, which stunts development objectives. Research proves when women earn, they are more likely to spend on children’s nutrition and education. Not all women have wealthy husbands. Many women’s husband’s are drug addicts, religious fundamentalists, emotional abusers, mentally unstable and often love to beat them black and blue.

Men are tragically violent in this region. Imran’s language of callous disregard of women’s feminist narratives defines and encapsulates that exact violence. He thrusts silence upon women, and that too is a form of violence. He speaks on behalf of women, and that too is a type of erasure. When women are home care giving then they will not need to be heard publicly anyway of their woes and pains.

This party had filled itself with masculine men snatched from the status quo parties that have looted and for the women candidates there are the breadcrumbs. The vocal women have already been pushed out – the Fawzia Kasuris and the lot. The 6 women out of 173 National Assembly seats that PTI gave out need to be first named: Zartaj Gul, Khadeeja Aamir, Fatima Bashir Cheema, Ayesha Nazir, Dr Yasmine Rashid and Ghulam Bibi. Then they need to be applauded. After the thunderous applause ends, they ought to be requested to ask the man that they stand behind two questions: Why are you calling only some mothers “real mothers?” and also, “Would you ever call out a man for not being a “real father?”
The third one I will ask of him because these candidate will probably be Gulalaied if they ask: Is a “real father” someone who lets a “western woman feminist” raise his sons while he fights for a voice in a public sphere and is an absent father? Fatherhood is also parenting. Mothers who work are also real mothers. Many stay at home mothers raise boys to believe in gender binaries. There is no saying what model is better. Only women themselves get to decide. Certainly not a jock turned evangelist who thinks reproductive rights are men’s rights.

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Reader Comments (1)

  • UJ
    Jul 9, 2018 - 11:27PM

    Feminism has lost its credibility after it morphed from calling for equality of opportunities for men and women to male bashing, preferential treatment of women and hijacked by the privileged class. IK rightly pointed that out, and the writer is intellectually dishonest to conflate the critique of feminism and misogyny. Recommend

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