DENVER, COLORADO, US: As this year wraps itself up, we hope and wish it vanishes amicably taking along with it, certain trends, fashion leanings and style tendencies that are so been there done that, it hurts. Being a fashion editor, I now have a greater responsibility than ever to cater to the needs of our ever-growing fashionistas and style-aware readership.
From the dulhan that resembles a chandelier at a papal sermon to Kylie Jenner inspired counterfeit pouts, here is a list of nine crazes we’d like to chuck in the hype wastebasket in 2018.
1. The overdecked traditional bride
Like I declared earlier, a bride shouldn’t be likened to a chandelier – ever! Deceased are the days of ‘bridezillas’ because the millennial woman should be the ultimate ‘bridechilla’! Relaxed brides sans ox-blood lipstick and minus a jora that matches her in weight are more than welcome in 2018.
Finally, the time has come when the bride can stuff her face at a low-key barbecue than sit demurely on an over-the-top stage at a black-tie valima banquet in a 7-star hotel ballroom. 2018 is all about the shift toward an ethos that commemorates nonconformity and free-spiritedness so embrace it! Go bohemian and light for your mehendi outfit and ditch all-shades-red and all-things-heavy on your big day and instead, enjoy your event. Experiment with hues, dance, eat, laugh, greet guests – don’t forget, you’re not a manikin!
2. Black chokers
They might have been the most versatile of accessories in 2017 but to be honest I still can’t fathom the hype behind a black velvet shabby cord on a stately neck. And let me tell you, all necks are stately so gear them up wisely. Unfortunately for those obsessed with the haggard trend, it is way too passé in 2018 and the choker needs to die a strangled death. It's time to accessorise in lusher pastures now.
Go for more dainty chain on chain action; layer multiple chains together for an ethereal fashion-forward look. And if you’re brave enough – which you should be in 2018 – opt for statement-making jewellery that balances out your inner flame. 2018 is going to be smothered in the implementation of the fierce!
3. Declaration tee-shirts
Four words: Boring and a half. 2017 was literally brimming with slogan tees that begged to display ‘feminism’, ‘revolution’, ‘keep calm and blah blah blah’. Put those tees behind you and glide into the New Year with less exhibitionism and more action. Yes, I said it! Now hear me out.
You think ‘we should all be feminists’? Then be the change you want to see. Instead of publicising your preferences to the world, help a friend out. I’m not saying don’t brag about your feminism or veganism – do it, but bid farewell to the archaic 2017 style. If you must wear a slogan tee, make it more about graphics and smaller fonts – go for understated instead of extravagant, hyperbolic styles.
2017 had a lustful affair with the jumpsuit and I’m psyched to let you know that 2018 doesn’t want to socialise with last year’s romantic affiliations. The so-called ‘one-piece wonder’ that slowly infiltrated runways and racks will not be robbing centre-stage in 2018.
The New Year is all about comfort – all while you still appear haute and happening. They might be economically cut but jumpsuits aren’t practical and if I may add, lacklustre. And not only are they a menace for girls with miniature bladders (!) but they expunge your chilled-out panache and swallow your sex appeal – yes, even if they fit you like a surgeon’s glove. In 2018, fashion trends are going to be comfy and non-onesie!
5. Anything unicorn
I know that unicorns are one-off, spectacular creatures – and mermaids are picturesque and yap yap yap – but stop calling yourself a unicorn and just quit following the ‘mermaid hair’ bandwagon. Come on. Pennywise, the It clown will be more welcome in 2018 and I hate to break it to you but unicorns and mermaids are fictional. My apologies if that a broke a heart or a gazillion but you’re not an illusory creature and thank your stars for that already!
2017 was the year of unicorn hair, unicorn-themed parties, and unicorn outfits but I repeat, let your passion for the imaginary creature remain lumbered onto 2017. And here’s hoping no more omnipresent trends follow suit by 2018.
6. Fake pouts
2017 transformed people into walking lip kits and pout puffins! 2018 is all about being unapologetically ‘you’. Be unique. That's the latest trend to live by. If you were born with pillowy lips, good for you but if you’ve got a slenderer mouth, embrace that too because both styles of lip get temperatures mounting. Be grateful in 2018.
Think Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Deepika Padukone and Kangana Ranaut. They’re no less soaring on the hotness scale just because they don’t have mammoth pouts. And I’m not making an assumption when I say that they, in fact, would look ridiculous with fake puckers so think again before you adopt the Kylie-way-of-the-lip, because it’s not cool anymore in 2018. Thank you very much.
7. Fitness trackers
Sorry, not sorry but these are just so obnoxiously ugly and absolutely unnecessary. Not just in 2018 but each year, ever year. If you want to adopt a fitter lifestyle, lose weight or gain muscle, then eat more veggies, guzzle down more water, actually hit the gym, take the stairs instead of the elevator and go to bed early instead of being an owl all night, binge-watching Netflix like there’s no tomorrow.
In 2018, if you want to waste a bunch of cash on a repulsive-looking wristlet that ruins every outfit and squawks out loud, “Stare at me, universe! Take notice that I’m counting my steps!” then, by all means, invest in a fitness tracker.
8. Assigning gender to colours/styles
Before I begin my explanation, there needs to be a disclaimer: Pink doesn’t emasculate a man and having a blue-themed baby shower to reveal the gender of your kid to the world is so 2000-and-late. 2018 is all about breaking barriers and not assigning colours to genders and vice versa.
Designing and being garbed more universally not only aids in overcoming major biases in the products and services we use but also helps pave the way for a more egalitarian society. Dressing young boys and young girls in the same outfits, won’t erase centuries of social inequity, but it is taking a step toward jettisoning the psychological barriers between genders that reinforce “unlikeness”. If girls can rock masculine collared shirts and androgynous pants in 2017, then let’s all welcome with open arms, guys sporting millennial pink, magenta and immaculately-fitted churidaar pajamas because why not?
PS: Riz Ahmed looks immaculately charming in pink. Just saying...
9. Telling people how to exist
Bummer! I broke one of my most fundamental trend rules by making a list dictating as to what not to do but the truth is that I'm a rebel and you should be too. Oops, I’m doing it again! On a serious note though, 2017 and all of its predecessor years, people have been telling other people how they should live. Take Mahira Khan smoking with Ranbir Kapoor for instance – something so simple and basic was distorted into a foul, name-calling, character-shaming and callously nit-picking fest that just left an unpleasant taste in at least my mouth.
No one has the right to shape your ideas – politically or spiritually. Live and let live – that’s 2018’s dictum. Eat whatever you please, dress however you like and skip the grandiose, overarching statements lecturing people on how to live their lives. Let’s just all exist and vibe together – unruffled and in-your-face.
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