Move along folks, nothing to see…

A group of entirely innocent men, women and children were attacked as they attended a Methodist church in Quetta

And it happened again. A group of inoffensive, unobtrusive and entirely innocent men, women and children were attacked as they attended a Methodist church in Quetta. The attackers were caught on CCTV entering the compound, being engaged by security personnel and eventually to the shredded body of the suicide bomber that tried and failed to get into the church. His detonation blew in the door and splinters of wood, ball-bearings and shards of glass wreaked havoc inside.

Hands were wrung all over, completely pointless “thoughts and prayers” poured in from around the world on social media, as worthless as those that arrive by the truckload every time an American goes barmy with a gun, and assorted politicians shovelled platitudes on to the mess of dead and injured, the traumatised and the terrorised. And beyond a headline the following morning the event quickly died a death. The media was yawning by breakfast time. Move along please…nothing to see here.

Well why would it? Happen, that is? They were only a bunch of Christians after all. And we can do with a lot fewer of them, can’t we? In fact let’s get rid of all of them, shall we? Hindus as well. And the unmentionable sect. They need to be burnt at the stake for the apostates that they are and their charred remains left for the crows to snack on. Any Buddhists left? Kick those out. Right now. Anybody left…any ‘others’? I am sure you can fill in any blanks I may have left as you wring your hands having waved farewell — or stood by as an entire faith-group was butchered or sent packing — and gone back to lamenting the dreadful price of eggs and how this year’s lawn collections were just not a ‘patch’ daahling on last year…not a ‘PATCH’.

So everybody did their bit, mostly in the comfortable lounges of Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp which were awash for…ooooh…minutes…minutes I tell you, with tear-stained epistolary screeds that were waaaay too long for a generation with the attention spans of cocker spaniels on speed and nobody read to the end and they did not cut-and-paste to their wall because nobody would read them and anyway I have not checked my mails for at least thirty seconds. Deep breath…you moved along because there was nothing to see until the next time when it will be wash-rinse-repeat all over again.

Oh dear me no…you don’t think it will happen again, do you? I mean it is just so dreadful the way these barbarians — and they cannot ‘possibly’ be Muslims, can they, not ‘real’ Muslims like us — barge in and shoot people and set off those nasty messy bombs. What a cheek they have. Clearly not properly brought up. It’s a failure of parenting I would say. Yes it’s their parents. They are the ones that never brought them up properly. And the West. The West. All those ideas. We never had ideas when we were growing up did we? Dear me no. And if it’s not ideas it’s the education. Teachers. Them. Maybe they ought to get the Order of the Boot as well. Or save ourselves the trouble and just kill the lot of ‘em.

So you think it will happen again? Well why doesn’t ‘somebody do something about it’? I mean we have all these law-enforcement people and squirrely sneaky little gizmos that can listen to phone calls and all that don’t we? And everywhere you look there are those damn cameras and some of them can take pictures even when you are driving and catch you ‘before you have had your hair done and delivering the kids to school’ — I mean it’s a downright scandal, isn’t it?

What do you mean protest? What is there to protest about? And anyway I don’t want to get caught up in all that tear gas and yelling and shouting. No. I’ll just shut the door, turn up the TV and watch old Sunny Leone clips. Or read the new Vogue. Nothing like a bit of comfort food is there? Be a sweetie and pass me the popcorn, will you. Move along please, nothing to see here…

Published in The Express Tribune, December 21^st, 2017.

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