Someone, somewhere around us needs to be heard

When any of us is in pain, the greatest gift one can give is to listen – patiently and purely. Anyone can master the art of talking but listening to people, without a judgement or rush to action, takes a lot of courage and skills.

As humans, everyone is born with an innate need of being listened to. Even newborns use ‘crying’ as their channel to communicate with their parents. Throughout the lifespan of an individual, we have to communicate with others for the fulfilment of our needs. In a bid to best cater to those desires, a person is required to be listened to since it, in turn, forms a powerful emotional drive.



The rough part of the art

Today, an individual, irrespective of age and position, has to go through phases of life that are clouded with stress, frustration and low energy. A major cause of this mental disturbance is the lowering of energy that affects a natural flow of thoughts and emotions. The ultimate pressures an individual faces form a repetitive cycle that has to be battled every day. This makes individuals feel over-or-underwhelmed, trapped, lonely, suffocated and sometimes, isolated.

Regrettably, a lack of support from family and friends and a fear of being judged make it even more problematic for an individual to open up freely. In addition, when individuals do attempt to talk about the matters bothering their minds, the communication exchanges are usually plagued by the use of a listening-heuristic. For instance, the participants start assuming intent, articulating the responses and end up giving replies, centred on fixed perspectives, while ignoring what the speaker actually wants to convey.

People, in general, are so consumed by their problems and everyday struggles, it is tough for them to listen to others without being impatient, judging, and displaying the poor use of skills, vital to ensure considerate listening.

The primary issue, therefore, enveloping the masses is that everyone is merely heard, when the need is to be listened to. From an enrichment of knowledge, a fulfilment of goals, an exchange of ideas, a solution of problems and strengthening of relationships to amplification of self, effective listening plays a huge role.



Real problem, simple solution

A struggle to channelise a significant portion of negative energy builds up to disruptive heights over time. This negativity, ultimately, weighs an individual down, causing them serious mental health concerns with unnerving somatic symptoms. Nevertheless, how many of us find a space where we can freely project our minds and discuss what we actually want to? The problem is real but the solution that follows is simple.

Listening starts with being fully present. Sometimes, if not most of the times, people just need a small chance to be heard, to be able to share their feelings that worry them without any messiness in the mind. One should remember that when they talk, they should be listened to completely. Individuals must also realise their cycle of troublesome thoughts by exploring ‘talk therapies’ beyond drugs. Addressing them at an early stage ensures the provision of a supportive pure environment.

Using the ideologies stemmed in the roots of ‘talk therapies’, there are services in the market by mental health organisations as well as corporate companies where peoples’ negative feelings and ideas branch from, and empower them to make healthy changes by thinking or acting differently, taking greater control of their lives and improving their confidence. These services aim to bring ‘pause and presence’ to action – an option where we learn to stop our wandering mind and self for others, where we make others’ company be the centre of attention.



We can also establish a safe place for listening sharing even at home and why not! Sometimes we know we are listening to someone and it is eminent that the bond is a low-trust bond. Intense listening offers occasions to change the very low-trust bond to a place of more trust, only if we commit to using the opportunity. The body language should always assure that yes, I am listening. It is a must.

To speak is to transfer, but to truly listen is to bond. It is high time that we start connecting with others by allowing them to talk freely about matters that matter, instead of treating mental health as a taboo subject requiring minimal attention.

 

With additional input by Sanam Karamally.

Yumna Usmani is a Psychologist based in Karachi.