So is uniform uniformity uniform?

Whoever had a hand in the design of the new uniforms for the Punjab police it is clear they were no Dior or Versace

Whoever had a hand in the design of the new uniforms for the Punjab police it is crystal clear that they were no Dior or Versace. Or indeed anybody with design experience beyond the interior of an armoured fighting vehicle. There has been no change in the police uniform for decades and the black shirts and tan trousers have done sterling duty. The new issue stylistically is not unlike that favoured by Che Guevara and thus may be seen to have a certain cachet — though perhaps without the revolutionary connotations. It is a decidedly military shade of olive green which has led to wonderment in some quarters as to the possibility of the uniform being the thin end of the wedge and a hint towards the militarisation of the police more generally.

There is some debate also as to what is to be the final form of the latest law-enforcement apparel, and debate as well about the quality of pictures currently in circulation and the relative merits of images captured with a mobile phone as against those produced by an all-the-bells-and-whistles actual card-carrying camera. Where there does seem to be agreement it comes from field trials that indicate that the new uniform is comfortable, suitable for a the hot dusty environment and copiously supplied with pockets the better to secrete impromptu monetary donations made by members of the public in their daily interchange with law-enforcement agencies.

According to highly placed reliable sources, the design was selected after consultations and feedback from field commanders regarding cloth quality and a host of other details. It is not difficult to picture the runway event — fashionistas and top police brass taking notes as the models sashayed before them. Notes on cut, the set of the collar, that all-essential button placement. Sadly there do not seem to be any photos of the event in circulation and we can but hope for an injudicious leak. A little gentle satire aside we wish well to the new uniform, a replacement was long overdue. A comfy policeman is a happy policeman and that can only be a good thing.

Published in The Express Tribune, April 4^th, 2017.

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