Pakistan

10 things I hate about my husband’s friends

Saturday night + after twelve o’clock = parrrtayyyy!!! He insists that these ‘Boys’ Nights Out’ serve a great...

Sadaf Umair March 21, 2011

1. Saturday night + after twelve o’clock = parrrtayyyy!!! He insists that these ‘Boys’ Nights Out’ serve a great purpose. The boys discuss ‘important’ things like how you can buy some low-priced tinted material to put on the split air conditioner’s bright temperature display window so the whole room isn’t illuminated when you turn the AC on at night.

2. Your new title. Try calling your hubby when he is surrounded by his friends, and you run the risk of him being teased mercilessly and you being nicknamed ‘The Dragon Lady’ — even if you just called to remind him to pick up some bread on the way back.

3. The Sunday syndrome. You guys were out till 3 am last night. Do you HAVE to show up at our doorstep unannounced AGAIN on this ONE holiday in the whole week just to ‘hang out’ some more? Jeez.

4. “Chai bana do please”. What is this, Cafe Piyala? I don’t care how fond your friends are of my
illaichi-wali chai; I refuse to make another cup, that too at 11 pm, after I have cleared away the dinner dishes and turned the kitchen light off.

5. Dinner? Already had it. Your loving phone call to your hubby to inquire when he’ll be coming home because you just put the finishing touches to his favourite pasta dish is met with an apologetic tone, stating that he has already stuffed his face with “the bestest paratha roll in the whole wide world”. And could you please put the pasta in the fridge for his midnight snack?

6. The elusive Mrs Friends. No matter how long they (or we, for that matter) have been married, I have never, ever met my hubby’s friends’ wives. As a result, I have no friends of my own and so resent my hubby’s even more. Oh happy times!

7. My passive aggression. I thought this condition only
afflicted loser/sissy wives who had a serious communication gap with their husbands and the only real talking they did was through sarcastic remarks like, “The truth is: my husband is married to his friends. Me? I’m just the maid”.

8. Their month-long visits. I mean, it was a pretty gruelling 40-day chilla that I did to send them abroad in the first place. I don’t see why they can’t stay there all year like my maternal relatives (bless them!). The peer promised me that as soon as I pay Rs50,000 and the chilla is complete, said friends will shift far, far away for a very long time. Think I should ask for my money back?

9. Thinking things will change if they haven’t already. Before marriage you think things will change after marriage. During your pregnancy you are positive things will change after the baby is born... Don’t hold your breath! He is still gonna wanna meet his friends at a moment’s notice. (Simple formula is at work: One missed call after 11 pm + sheepish expression on hubby’s face = “Z is at the door, I gotta go. Dont wait up.”)

10. Frienemies forever. You still have to smile and nod salaam when they come over. You still have to politely inquire about the well-being of their wife and kids (remember, you don’t even know who they are). After that, you retire to your room for some more passive aggression... but that’s when the room is best cleaned.

Published in The Express Tribune, Sunday Magazine, March 20^th, 2011.

COMMENTS (20)

Adnan Khan | 13 years ago | Reply I sympathize with Sadaf. I know several cases like hers and the men involved are not some jahil chauvinist waderas, but young, well-educated, talented professionals. These guys insist that we come over to their house. When we are there, he treats his wife like a maid, ordering her around. "Chai lay aao!", "Aesa karo khana bana lo". On a moments notice, he wants her to produce tea and dinner, while he sits there on his fat arse, beaming like a proud chaudhry. Why doesn't he make the tea and aalo gosht ?. His wife has been battling alone all day long, keeping the fort. He should treat her like a queen, upon his return. Not turn into an Idi Ameen, or Pol Pot. This male attitude, passed on-down through generations, makes me sick. It is, as if, he didn't marry a wife, a life-partner, he b(r)ought a slave. I have nearly run out of excuses to their invitations --short of telling them straight out-- which would be problematic, since we work at the same place. Lastly, I think this problem is "woman-created" and "woman-affected". Most desi mothers want their sons to treat their wives like crap (compared to them) and as a result his wife, the mother of his sons, suffers... and prepares the next crop with the same mindset so that SHE can finally get even with her bahu. Men are just used as pawns in this Great Game. Only one mother has to break the cycle and the chain will be broken.

M>W | 13 years ago | Reply Gosh!!! To all the 'Parha Likha Jahil' counseling Sadaf on her twisted relationship and what not - Did you every heard abt the word 'Humour'!?? This is just another blog to make you feel amused!! If it didn't, just close the window and get back to your work!!

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Wasio Ali Khan Abbasi | 13 years ago | Reply @Raj: Off course they do rotate, however there are times when one person in the group is the most accessible to everyone due to location or ideal environment if the individuals in the group live far away from each other.

sivim | 13 years ago | Reply sticky/electrical tape on the entire panel save the part that receives the signal to operate. that's what we (he - genius!) did :)

Sparkle- | 13 years ago | Reply why?!!! why?!!! whyyyyyy do you do you people post such useless articles? or whatever you call it!!!! :|

Biryani Qorma Sheermal | 13 years ago | Reply Sadaf seems like your husband and you have some serious issues to deal with. It seems that there is a massive breakdown and you guys really need to talk these things out rather than lambasting him online. Also, as someone else suggested maybe you need to make some friends of your own to hang out with. So the problem is not your husband ignoring you all the time but the bigger problem seems to be your inability to make friends. You say you have been unable to make friends with his friends' wives, whatever happened to your friends before you got married?

opinionated | 13 years ago | Reply this is an extreme situation, yes both husband and wife should have independent aspects to life which is good for the marriage, take time off refresh yourself around friends and then get back to it. remember that marriage is part of life and not life being part of marriage. get your own pals, describing yourself as a victim of your husband's social life only makes you a case of pity. you don't want that do you.!

khan | 13 years ago | Reply I disagree. Majority of the people who do have parties have access to liquor. even the people who don't party enjoy a glass or two a night... @Atif:

khan | 13 years ago | Reply LOL true. either get a life or accept and become friends with your hubbies friends... which shouldnt be hard to do. @cF:

cF | 13 years ago | Reply oh please get a life woman, make some friends of your own and go out with them!

Raj | 13 years ago | Reply @Atif, agreed, BTW do MUSLIMS party only at one host? and do not rotate the hosts?

Atif | 13 years ago | Reply Raj man this is about muslims who MOSTLY do not drink atleast not in front of their families. Funny piece ...... And a real chant

Karim Alam | 13 years ago | Reply I must say very hostile commentary contrary to Eastern Traditions.

Truth_Prevails | 13 years ago | Reply Good one! Not only the article but the comments that followed. @ani good one...specially the last part. Good to have some light stuff around else the newspapers are full with target killings and kidnappings etc.

Raj | 13 years ago | Reply This is totally a fictional piece. My simple question is why these guys gather at her house only. In any good friends circle, the venue is rotated and every friend is given the opportunity to host the party. I have not seen a party that ends at three in the morning and participants only drink masala chai. However, there is one possibility, her husband may be the only guy in the group who has easy access to liquor. I have not seen a party happening until three in the morning without liquor. We used to have similar parties ( with access to liquor) and the host would change every week or every time. It was same level of playing field. In her case the level of playing field seems tilted towards her house only. Daal Mein Kucch Ziada Hi Kala Hai.

ani | 13 years ago | Reply 10 things I hate about wives who hate 10 things about their husbands That you are not satisfied with 1 hate but have to have 10! You talk and talk on the phone about stupid stuff with anyone and everyone You nag and nag me into submission You scheme and plot all day with your friends about your friends You expect the guy to figure you out - well even Watson the computer failed! You want new clothes and shoes for every occasion. You want me to choose between my mother / sister and you - all women! Even god gave up on that! You want me to remember all these crazy days - birthday, wedding day, engagement day, sweetest day, valentines day, news years day, your mom's day and even when we met day - I am happy if I could forget that day! You want me to say you are pretty when you damn well know you are 200 lbs and ballooning

Tamoor Azhar | 13 years ago | Reply funny truth.

JB | 13 years ago | Reply Now that you are done ranting and make me and my buddy a sandwich! :p

Altamash Khan | 13 years ago | Reply Sadaf, the thing is that ... they were there before you. He can do things with them that he loves but you dont approve of and he doesnt do out of love for you. If you own his friends and his guilty pleasures he will start to spend more time with them AND you there.

Sana | 13 years ago | Reply @ET: Really? Seriously? What does this piece of 'venting' achieve? @Sadaf: Sounds like your article is an indirect assault on your husband, not his friends. Please start communicating with him. Bad communication is better than no (or this kind of) communication. Disappointing.

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