'Hindustan may soon morph into Mullahdives'

'My heart goes out to Ali Sab-Par-Bhaari when I witness the Bakistan Beoples Barty’s gradual descent into...

Dear Diary,

Just when you thought you will manage to escape by a hair’s breadth— bal bal bach gaye —Bal is back to what he does best.

What else but educate, enlighten and entertain. While my comrades seem to have their hands full with transforming Hindustan into a Hindu Rashtra, the situation across the frontier looks grim, if not downright dismal, for my Bakistani best friends. What an ominous time to be a fanatic there. The former Punjab governor’s self-confessed assassin has been sent to the gallows, arguably its most celebrated film-maker has secured another Oscar and the Bunjab Assembly has passed the landmark women protection bill.



Waisay, one needs to hand it to the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) government. Employing exemplary sagacity, it has executed the nation’s alter-ego — I mean the mullahs’ hero — in a leap year. What does that entail, you query? Four years less of mullahgardee! Kher, all one needs is an Azma Bokhari to render such elements speechless.

Pakistan: 3 Fundos: 0. Just between us though, if things keep on continuing as they are, very soon, Al-Bakistan might just become a first-rate Hindustan while the latter might morph into another Mullahdives. Minus the beaches, resorts and droves of honeymooners, obviously.

In a parallel universe, the Lahore Social Pageantry Festival (read literary) commenced and concluded amid a formidable display of Dhakai Jamdani sarees, geeky spectacles, designer waistcoats, high heels and bored husbands. A little bird tells me that one-time envoy Strawberry Rehman was extremely interested in learning what the audience had been smoking when a youngster (rightly) drew a parallel between Narendra Modi and Zulfikar Ali Bhutto. “What have you been smoking Strawberry?” a self-awarded award-winning journalist associated with a “leading’’ (but poorly-edited English daily) was overheard quipping after hearing her rather unconvincing reply. Among other gems, Strawberry presented Peepla Income Support as a remarkable social transfer programme. True that it has been executed so effectively that its former chairperson is reported to have permanently transferred base to the United States of America.



Waisay, Strawberry ought to be commended for remaining faithful to the party line. Defending a bygone best remembered for his foul lexicon, botched land reforms, debilitating nationalisation, unashamed mullah appeasement and his ignominious role in dismembering Al-Bakistan is no easy task.

My heart goes out to Ali Sab-Par-Bhaari when I witness the Bakistan Beoples Barty’s (BBB’s) gradual descent into oblivion though. Such a travesty of fate. It is Bhaari’s misfortune that he was born where he was. Had he been a first-world citizen, Bhaari would have been recognised as what he is—a statesman of lofty standing—courtesy his acumen.

Yours truly,

Bal

The article is a work of satire and fiction.