Emerging alive: When surviving weighs heavy upon the heart

Omar Khan Akbar cannot reconcile he lived, couldn’t save friends

PESHAWAR: Omar Khan Akbar, 18, had managed to escape from the auditorium where gunmen had gone on an indiscriminate killing spree on December 16, 2014. “I hid in a classroom, that’s when I saw blood on my uniform, the blood of my friends who had been shot.”

The second-year student can still recall the brutal scene of carnage and the sound of gunshots that killed many of his friends and classmates. Shortly after the militants stormed the army-run school on Warsak Road, Akbar managed to escape from the auditorium; he recalled crossing over bodies of boys, his friends who only a little while ago were listening to a lecture on saving lives. He found a classroom to hide in from where he made a run to the gate which was far from the auditorium. There were people at the gate, he recalled. Akbar said he recalled he could hear ambulances and people shouting and crying, right before he lost consciousness.



Terrorised, in shock, Akbar woke up at Combined Military Hospital (CMH), with three bullets in his hand. “I think I was the first boy to reach CMH, I think people there were stunned when they saw me in my APS uniform covered in blood.” Akbar remembers screaming: “APS peh attack hua hai” and then the doctors took him to surgery.

It’s not clear when he asked a peon to call his father but “The peon rang him and told him his son was at CMH,” he said. “My parents thought I was dead. They reached the hospital in tears and were relieved to see that I was alive.”



Akbar underwent two surgeries at CMH.

“I spent three months in depression because I couldn’t forget what happened in the auditorium,” he said. “I saw my friends die but could not help them.” Akbar said it was hard to shake off the feeling that he was there but could not save them.

Stages of grief

It was difficult for Akbar to understand why he had survived while his peers had fallen victim to the militants’ gun. “I was scared to go to school,” he said. “I wasn’t afraid of the Taliban but the absence of my friends.”



According to the 18-year-old, a large number of people visited the school to show their support to APS students. “I even met people who had nothing to do with APS but were there in solidarity,” he said. “It was truly encouraging.”

He added, “The victims will never be forgotten. The government should hold events and construct monuments in their memory.”

According to Akbar, the APS massacre taught him the value of life and the strength of a parent’s relationship with his or her child.

“It is difficult for parents to lose a child,” he said. Over the last year, Akbar kept visiting his slain friends’ parents. “It was very painful.” The teenager added, “As a survivor, I can understand their suffering – the pain and trauma live on.”

Profile in courage



Umar has yet to recover from the injuries he sustained in the attack. His left hand does not function properly and he has to have another surgery. However, doctors at CMH have told the 18-year-old that he is in perfect health.

Umar has dealt with his ordeal with utmost courage. “The APS massacre changed the world,” he said. “But, most of all, it has changed me.”

Published in The Express Tribune, December 17^th,  2015.