The misunderstood orphan

All you require to get by in Pakistan is seven words.Yes, you just need one phrase to survive in this country.

In Pakistan you don’t need money. You don’t need good looks. You certainly don’t need to work. You just need one phrase. That’s it just one. One phrase and all doors are majestically and mysteriously opened with the meanest, vilest and most dangerous of men succumbing in fear to your presence.

For any would-be travelers to Pakistan (this is a rhetorical scenario) I can let you in on the secret. All you need to say is:

 Tumhay pata hai mera baap kon hai?

(Do you know who my father is?).

There is nothing you can do in Pakistan without this phrase. You want to go to the right school? Well you better know how to say it and say it well. Are you in school and you need something done? Don’t be silly, you still need this phrase. After school you might try to get a job. You will need this phrase. Do you want that promotion?

In a usual run in with the police, a young person would resort to saying this phrase. It then occurred to me what would happen if this were a literal question. What if it was an orphan asking the cops:

Tumhay pata hai mera baap kon hai?

This video is how it would play out.

The video is part of my standup comedy tour of Pakistan 'Danish Ali Live' as well as my upcoming Sketch show for TV, stage and YouTube.