Pathan explains a thing or two, to Dharna dude

Dharna dude from Islamabad (loves X-box, facials, and PTI) runs into a reality check...

Imran Khan May 28, 2023

The characters:

Dharna dude from Islamabad - loves X-box, facials, and PTI.

Pathan from Peshawar - father died in a bomb blast, brother abducted by the Taliban.

Dialogue ensues:

Dharna dude: Hey Mr Pathan man! What kind of a Pathan are you? Don’t you know that Waziristan is under attack? Why didn’t you come to the dharna?

Pathan: I don’t understand one thing, why can’t you guys do a dharna against the Taliban? I mean, against all the suicide bombings and stuff?

Dharna dude: Oh my God! What is wrong with you man? Taliban is a reaction! They are fighting the big devil dude. Tell me were there any suicide bombings before the Americans came into Afghanistan? Taliban is Pakhtun resistance, Pakhtun resistance naswar power. Wake up khocha. They are fighting for you!

Pathan: Err, the Taliban kill Pakhtun children and lash Pakhtun girls in public, what exactly are you on about? If the Taliban is “Pakhtun” resistance than why do they mostly kill Pakhtuns? Can you even count the number of times Peshawar has been attacked during the last few years?

Dharna dude: Haha, well don’t mind my friend, but my daddy says that the real Pathan are the tribal ones, from the mountains, Khyber Pakhtunkhwa (KP) etc are not real Pathans you know. Fata are the real Pathans, wait what was that name? oh yes, the Faqir of Iffy.

Pathan: You mean the Faqir of Ipi?

Dharna dude: Yes, him, that dude wasn’t from Peshawar was he?

Pathan: Okay, so when you said Pakhtun Resistance, you actually meant “Tribal Pakhtun Resistance”, because those of us from KP also call ourselves Pakhtuns.

Dharna dude: Yeah, whatever man! Taliban are the Tribal Pakhtun Resistance, and they will teach the Americans a lesson, they taught the British a lesson and the Russ

Pathan: Have you ever heard of the Turis?

Dharna dude: The what?

Pathan: The Turis, they are a tribe from FATA; Kurram Agency to be exact.

Dharna dude: Okay, what about them?

Pathan: They are Shias.

Dharna dude: Shia, Sunni, whatever man. We are Muslims you know, all of us, and we have to be united you know, all the Christians are so united, but we Muslims…

Pathan: Hundreds of Turis have died while fighting against the Taliban.

Dharna dude: Well whatever man, I am just saying that America has attacked Afghanistan and…

Pathan: Which means, that all tribal Pakhtuns from FATA are not part of this “Tribal Pakhtun Resistance”.

Dharna dude: Yeah so?

Pathan: So you said it was Tribal Pakhtun Resistance, the Turis are tribal Pakhtuns and they are anti-Taliban.

Dharna dude: Well whatever man…

Pathan: So its not a Tribal Pakhtun Resistance, one could call it a “Sunni Tribal Pakhtun Resistance” perhaps?

Dharna dude: Okay dude, whatever rocks your boat man! They are going to kick America out of Afghanistan and…

Pathan: Ever heard of Ansar ul Islam?

Dharna dude: The what?

Pathan: It’s a militia of Barelvi Sunni Tribal Pakhtuns, based in Khyber Agency.

Dharna dude: Like...what the hell is a Barelvi?

Pathan: A type of Sunni, who goes to shrines, as in Daata Darbar?

Dharna dude: Oh I know Daata Darbar, isn’t that where Pappu Saeen lives? He rocks man.

Pathan: They are against the Taliban’s version of Islam.

Dharna dude: Who? Pappu Saeen?

Pathan: Yes, Pappu Saeen, his grandmother, and the Ansar ul Islam.

Dharna dude: Dude, why do you hate the Taliban so much man? They are going to kick America out of Afghanistan... and they...

Pathan: Just saying that the Taliban can’t even be labeled as Sunni Tribal Pakhtun Resistance, it’s not all Sunni either, so we can further restrict it to “Wahabi/Deobandi Tribal Pakhtun Resistance.”

Dharna dude: haha! Its resistance my friend, I am just saying we need to kick some gora ass man!

Pathan: Ever heard of the Punjabi Taliban?

Dharna dude: dude, come on, lets get over this whole Punjabi Pathan thing man, we are Pakistanis my dear Khocha! And anyway I needed to talk to you about something else.

Pathan: The Punjabi Taliban are also part of this resistance.

Dharna dude: Well good for them man, like America is causing global warming and stuff and they need to leave Afghanistan. But listen I applied….

Pathan: So what that means, is that this resistance, is not exclusively “Tribal Pakhtun”, it has Punjabis, and also, Uzbeks, Chechens etc as well.

Dharna dude: yeah so?

Pathan: So it’s basically a Wahabi/Deobandi Resistance, not Wahabi/Deobandi Tribal Pakhtun or Sunni Tribal Pakhtun or Tribal Pakhtun, or simply Pakhtun Resistance.

Dharna dude: Dude! Haha! You got a lot of time on your hand man, I gotta go home and play the new Call of Duty… its like pure awesomeness, but listen I needed your help.

Pathan: So, I hope we agree that it’s a Wahabi/Deobandi Resistance, and not a Pakhtun Resistance.

Dharna dude: Okay okay, now listen to me, I sent you my application essay for that Fulbright thingy, do check it out man, gotta get this thing nailed this time. Then its Ca-lee-fornia baby!

Pathan: Err.... You do know that the Fulbright scholarship is funded by USAID?

Dharna dude: Yeah man, lets kick the yankee out of Afghanistan! Pakhtun Resistance rocks dude!

Imran Khan An Economist by profession, who is currently based in Islamabad. He blogs at and his twitter handle is @iopyne.
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

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