Sapna Babul ka Bidai soaps it up, Star Plus style
Indian soap opera Sapna Babul ka Bidai exposes you to the horror of lame concepts over an obscene number of episodes.
Question: Ever wondered how someone can stretch the lamest concept to such heights that it can span over 5,000 episodes?
Answer: So did I, till I had to go through the horror of watching a soap on Indian television called "Sapna Babul Ka Bidaai" (Marriage, the dream of a father).
Narrated below is a scene between two sisters who apparently love and hate each other at the same time and yet they claim to be one big happy family.
Rag-nee: What is up?
Sad-henna: Nothing much, you tell oh dear cute lovely sister of mine?
Rag-nee: Well, just waiting for my lovely, cute husband to come back so I can act like a total loser, make him food and romance with him from 10 meters away because the censor board doesn’t like us touching each other unless I’m dying or falling off a cliff.
Sad-henna: Oh haan, I remember that happened to me in episode 4,400. I was falling off a cliff and my husband who wasn’t actually my husband but someone else in disguise saved me.
Rag-nee: Oh well, is it just me or Sad-henna do you look like a total aunty?!
Sad-henna: Aunty? What? Are you trying to insult me?
A third person looks on in utter dismay
Rag-nee: What’s for dinner?
Sad-henna: Oh, I made the chappatis now just waiting for episode 5,500 so I can think of what to cook. The awful chappati cooking episode took so much of my time.
Rag-nee: Where were we?
Sad-henna: In the lovely abode we call home.
Rag-nee: Where is my husband?!
Sad-henna: Didn’t you know he got cut from the show. Now in order to facilitate the damage the casting crew got another guy who looks somewhat like your husband but you have to treat him like he was your husband so the ten million people watching the show don’t figure out the fact that he isn’t actually the same husband you had in the last episode.
Rag-nee: To be or not to be?!
Sad-henna: You cow!
Rag-nee: So what’s for dinner?
Sad-henna: I thought I explained that in the last episode?
Rag-nee: I didn’t catch the re-run so I forgot what happened.
Sad-henna: Which re-run did you miss?
Rag-nee: The one at one pm.
Sad-henna: But what about the re-run at two pm, three pm, four pm and a special two hour re-run at five pm?
Rag-nee: Where's my sari?!
Life comes to a standstill
Sad-henna: I gave it to the tailor.
Rag-nee: What for?
Sad-henna: You asked me to in episode 2,200.
Rag-nee: I did? I don’t remember, wait is this the set for Mein Pagal Anjani Huu?
Sad-henna: No silly! This is the rehearsal for the award ceremony.
Rag-nee: What awards?
Rag-nee stares into nothingness for the next two episodes marred with weird lightning noises to showcase the fact that she actually is in a state of shock
Sad-henna cries for the next four episodes - two for sadness and two for extreme joy when rag-nee finally comes back to her senses but forgets who she is.
Director: CUT! Brilliant!