Are you a player?

With a zest for life, today’s desi champions can become the Hugh Hefners of tomorrow

Laleen Khan December 07, 2010
Men who remain commitment-phobic for too long and have a relatively high success rate with women often continue bachelor lifestyles (whether married or not!) into their middle and even twilight years.

With the right amount of energy, money, and zest for life, today’s desi‘champions can become the Hugh Hefners of tomorrow. If you think you are destined to stay forever ‘young’ while dressed in a brocade robe, answer the following questions and see where you rate on the playboy scale:

1) Exes from your younger days are now the mothers of:

A  Babies

B  Teenagers

C  Grown men and women

2) Your pick-up line on women is:

Babe, you’re smokkkin’

Babyyy, you’re sooo hot

Beebee you are gaargeous

3) The music you play in your car when you’re driving a bevy of beauties to a party:

A  Euro pop

B  80s remixes

C  The Bee Gees

4) The music playing in your car when it’s just you and your driver:

A  Bollywood remixes



5) The biggest insult you ever received in your life was:

A  “Are you ‘a’ gay?”

B  “Excuse me, uncle.”

C  “Aap to buzurg hain.”

6) The closest you ever got to marriage was when:

A  You got engaged to your cousin without telling your girlfriend(s)

B  Your family proposed to the daughter of a family friend while you were away in college living with your blonde girlfriend

C  You sent a rishta to a girl that you’d been following around for years and, when you finally got the chance to speak to her on the day of your haan, realized you didn’t like her teeth

7) When online, you tend to frequent:

A  Facebook where you are listed as “interested in women” and have tried to add 1,800 friends of friends’ friends that you’ve never met

B  Your male friends’ lame forwarded jokes/porn

C  Nothing—you refuse to wear your reading glasses

8) The last thing you did to your hair was:

A  Spike, tease, and infuse it with several metrosexual hair products

B  A not-too-subtle hair weave

C  Blow-drying your long tresses over your bald spots ala Donald Trump

9) Your all-time favourite cellphone ringtone is:

A  P.I.M.P. (50 Cent)

Highway to the Danger Zone (Top Gun)

C  Forever Young (the original version)

10) You claim that the movie character you relate to best is:

A  Sonny Corleone (James Caan in The Godfather)

B  Michael Corleone (Al Pacino in The Godfather)

C  Don Corleone (Marlon Brando in The Godfather)

11) But the character you secretly empathize with is portrayed by:

A  Chris Kattan in A Night at the Roxbury

B  Jack Black in Shallow Hal

C  Chevy Chase in Father of the Bride


Mostly As: Pimpin’ Playa!

You’re quite a player with the ladies and adept at juggling different women from different cities. You are proud of your little black book, now worn at the edges. You try to appear mature to older women so that they take you seriously, not realizing that you’re just a boy toy for them. Girls from your own age group are often too predictable for your adventurous spirit as you get bored easily and don’t want to commit. Women of all ages appreciate your effortless charm, your full head of hair, and your relatively flat stomach. You love your partying ways too much to settle down unless your family actually forces you to get rehab.

Mostly Bs: Ageing Playboy!

You have already gone through, or are currently experiencing, a midlife crisis, so chances are that you replace your flashy car with newer and flashier models whenever you can afford it, not to mention younger and flashier female models on your arm whenever you can afford them. Your younger lady friends snidely refer to you as ‘Uncle’ when you’re not around. Once amongst the most eligible bachelors in society, the only twenty-somethings interested in you now have more of an eye for your fiscal worth rather than your physical worth. You don’t look twice at women your own age or even ten years younger as they are ‘not your type.’

Mostly Cs: Geriatric Casanova!

You are now partying with your grandchildren’s generation and gyrating those replaced hips better than many younger men on the dance floor. You continue to attract attention among women, whom you claim have been throwing themselves at you for these last fifty years. It must be the fascinating stories that you repeatedly tell them that they keep coming back to hear. Your decadence has caught up with you but you refuse to become a decrepit old man and instead opt to be an evergreen Lothario with jet black hair. If you’ve lasted this long on the scene, there must be something truly special about you.
Laleen Khan An international columnist and media consultant who Tweets @laaleen
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.

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