Welcome to the corporate jungle

Try as you might to hide behind a pile of files when the king of the jungle is in one of his predatory moods, nothing can save you from his wrath.

Hammad Mateen October 11, 2010
All kinds of species dwell in a jungle called ‘the office.’ It is truly a miracle of God that coexistence of such contrasting creatures is possible.

As we take a jungle safari, various kinds of creatures can be found busy in their rituals, often called “office life.” Some of these creatures are classified below.
The hard workers

These are usually the ones upon whom survival of the jungle depends. They are moderate in nature, mostly subtle in their approach towards life and mostly harmless to other living things that are around them. They prefer a calm, silent life without interfering in other individuals’ businesses. They have the ability to survive all kinds of climatic changes without much difficulty.
The scared ones

This kind is usually not one which you can observe easily during your jungle safari. They try to stay in hibernation most of the time. They have an exaggerated sense of smell and the moment they catch a whiff of trouble in the air, they hide behind a pile of rocks (or files as the case may be). Alternately, they can be found in a secret lair.
The leg pullers

These are the chirpy ones. It’s not easy to find them in their dens as they are mostly found sitting around and wasting time in some other part of the woods. They are generally harmless in nature, but like having a good time by playing pranks on the hard-worker types and especially the scared ones.
The politicians

These are the only ones in the jungle blessed with a brain-or at least they think so. They are extremely talented in all the wrong ways. They are utilized by both hunters and the king of the jungle to keep a close eye on the activities of other inhabitants to hunt them down when required.

The psychos

These are creatures with extraordinary abilities which they only use at their own will. Scientists are still trying to analyse the unknown variable that make this species what they are. The psychos are never bothered by what’s happening in the jungle. Even climate changes don’t have a great impact on them. They have their own set of rules and they aren’t worried about anything else.
The team leaders

Creatures belonging to this genus mostly rely on the hard-worker and psycho species. They are either found running behind a psycho, trying to convince it to follow the rules of the jungle, or disturbing hard workers to enhance their performance and efficiency (which does not actually happen very often, and the TL knows it).
The managers

These inhabitants are usually the ones that attack first and ask questions later. They are predators and hunt their prey down (usually when they are napping.) They have a great problem with the existence of psychos in the habitat. Managers like to live in a den which is positioned at a height so that they can keep a close eye on what’s happening around the jungle. They are mostly volatile in nature and consider themselves kings of the jungle (which they actually aren’t).
The big boss

The real “King of the Jungle”, the big boss isn’t usually seen around the jungle too often. The boss mostly rests in its cave and emerges when it feels like coming out. It has a very unpredictable nature. Sometimes, at the time of a feast, it likes to sit around with the other inhabitants of the jungle to give them the feeling that the King is actually very nice at heart. That is not usually the case though. He is only nice and calm as long as the affairs of the jungle are running smoothly. The moment something goes wrong, he can become the deadliest of predators. Scientists believe that while the inferior inhabitants of the jungle continue to bring vegetables to serve the King, he is a herbivore. But if they fail to serve the boss the way it wants, it’ll come out of its cave and start hunting as a carnivore.

Life is not easy in the jungle. It’s all about survival of the fittest, and to become fit one must learn the tricks of the trade.

Happy hunting!
Hammad Mateen The author is a mechanical engineer, education management professional and freelance writer working in the social sector, he tweets as @hammadmateen (twitter.com/hammadmateen)
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.


parvez | 13 years ago | Reply ET this should not be in the business section. Hammad after your burger/bun-kebab article this was a let down.
AA | 13 years ago | Reply Very well classification. U may sub-classify them as well. Have been working in such environment since 8 years now and if somebody doesn't belong to any of these categories, then I can surely diagnose his brain which wudnt be carrying anything but frustration....
Replying to X

Comments are moderated and generally will be posted if they are on-topic and not abusive.

For more information, please see our Comments FAQ