14 'Dos' for die-hard housewives in 2014

They are less resolutions and more rules for life. This is how I will treat my husband from 2014 onward!

Aalia Suleman January 01, 2014
Another December is almost gone and panic sets in again like every year since my marriage. It is because I realise that like every past year, I seem to have missed sticking to most of my carefully formulated new year's resolutions.

I was never much of an ardent new year resolutions buff until I got married.

Since my marriage, my resolutions are all centered around matrimony and how I, the better half, the second wheel in this rather complex relationship, can make it better.

Fact of the matter is, December is the time when even the most eternal pessimists among us feel some inkling of glee and hope in their hearts -- a hope that regardless of the doom and gloom of the past year, they can attempt to make the coming year better.

For a die-hard housewife like myself, hell-bent on fine tuning the relationship between man and wife, it is no surprise that this glee and hope centers around making my marriage better than ever before.

If you have doubts about my being a die-hard housewife, you haven’t read my articles dedicated to a relationship that continues to confound and confuse thousands around the world.

Needless to say, as this relationship continues to confound me and as another new year casually enters my life, I can only hope my resolutions will make things a little less complicated...

So, yesterday I gave you a list of 2013 don’ts, for 2014. Here are 14 Dos.

1. Let him win... sometimes

Do listen more, talk less and let the husband start winning some arguments. Put the universal wifely desire to win all arguments on the back burner for a change.

2. Give him the TV remote once in a while

Do sit with the husband for some time when he is watching his favourite TV shows even if you find them to be the most boring shows on the planet (unless he is watching women wrestling or women kabaddi). I will given him a bonus and even let him choose his movies too -- you should give it a go!

3. Play ghar-ghar with the in-laws, visit them and have them visit you, it’s going to be OKAY!

Do encourage the in-laws to visit more often if it puts hubby in a good mood. Remind yourself over and over again how happy you feel when your family visits. He probably feels the same way.

4. Cook for him - the way to his heart is through his stomach

Do try to make at least one of the 20 dishes you waste your precious time watching being prepared on food channels. Remind yourself that cliches aside, the way to a man’s heart is truly through his stomach. Somewhere over the years I have forgotten this in the confusion of housekeeping and child-rearing. Do not let that happen to you. I plan to remember it.

5. Don’t be Chatty Cathy on the phone, it can wait!

Do set a time limit for the longwinded phone conversations that do nothing but ruin the entire schedule for the day. This then puts you in bad mood which in turn will make you grouchy with the husband and kids.

6. Be nice to his friends too

Do make an attempt to be interested in his friends’ families even if their children are ill-behaved and the wives and you have nothing in common. He needs his friends too and we shouldn’t dictate whom he should socialise with or not.

7. Be the twinkle in his eyes, be his eye-candy, baby!

Do try to use makeup and dress in colours he likes. Avoid colours and dress types he feels you use just to irritate him. Hopefully this will make your husband feel like he is being heard and that his presence is meaningful in your life. I hope my husband notices and realises he means the world to me.

8. Don’t do him favours, do things happily!

Do let him choose outing/eating places when you go out. I vow to do this happily -- not like I’m doing him the world’s greatest favour.

9. Take interest in him and his likes

Do be interested in politics and what-not when he starts his discussion, rather than cutting him off with your own accounts of the day. Try to remember that men have their own different style of thought and a large chunk of it is politics and sports.

10.  Don’t take him for granted - appreciate the man you love

Do be more appreciative and less critical of him as a person. Why do I keep forgetting this age-old rule of relationships? I will not forget in 2014, I will not forget in 2014, I will not forget in 2014, (repeat 100 times).

11. He is your husband, he’s not like the rest. Back him up!

Do consider him a friend rather than a foe with whom you have nothing in common. Stop believing that all husbands are ‘bad’ even if your friends keep trying to convince you they are. Avoid discussions with friends that center on berating husbands. Focus on good qualities for a change.

12. Don’t moan, groan or complain, a smile can fix everything

Do remember to greet him with a smile when he comes home from work. You might have had a tough day but his was probably just as tough. It’s a crazy world out there. Keep in mind how you would feel if you were the breadwinner and your wife treated you with a growl and barrage of complaints as soon as you came home.

13. Bring that ‘oomph’ and excitement back, girls!

Do text him meaninglessly during the day. This year, I plan to experiment on how using technology to convey a simple ‘hi’ and ‘wassup’ can help create a little pizzazz between us. It does feel good when we get messages from family members or friends. Let’s see how it makes a husband feel.

14. Have a sense of humour, laugh together

Do find good jokes to share with him. Keep your amusing anecdotes handy. Why do married couples lose their sense of humour along the way?

Somewhere down the marital path I have come to realise that not learning from mistakes in this very delicate relationship costs us more anguish, frustration and vexation as compared to mistakes we repeat in other non-binding relationships. This realisation is what led me to actually pen down my resolutions this year rather than just keep them in my head.

In fact I should not call them resolutions but rules for life. Every year I might be adding to this list but I know I cannot take things out of it. I wonder what my list will look like on our silver anniversary?

I hope this list helps all of you as much as I believe it will help me and my husband. With the end of my 14 tips I wish you all a prosperous 2014.

Happy new year, everyone!
Aalia Suleman A freelance writer and poet who is keenly interested in the status of women in 21st century Pakistan. Her writing also zones in on Pakistan's new social and political status on a redefined global chessboard. She has a masters degree in English Literature and blogs and invites debates at 'Socio-politically Pakistani'. She tweets @aaliasuleman (https://twitter.com/aaliasuleman)
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.


Hubby's Queen | 10 years ago | Reply A foolish wife renders her husband as a slave and accordingly renders herself as wife of a Slave. However, a clever wife accepts her husband as a King and becomes the Queen herself.
Dureen A Anwer | 10 years ago | Reply Good advice for those who don't do all of these things already and a reminder for those who used to do all these things but have lost the courage and determination with the passage of time. Perhaps there should be a blog for both partners not just wives or husbands. At the end of the day there is only so much effort a person can put in.
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