The Paradox

What is this dilemma, for sure I cannot say. Conflicting emotions now define me, they are here to stay.

I am baffled, oh people! I am perplexed,

I am strong one minute and weak the next,

 

I adore my milieu; furtively my hinterland do I detest,

I am at peace with myself, only to be hit by unrest,

 

Perseverance drives me; fatigue compels me to withdraw,

I seek perfection, though my eyes only see flaw,

 

I long for affection; I have just hate to offer,

I desire harmony; except with no one can I concur,

 

I yearn for the joy of life; but I want death to set me free,

I wish to face all odds; yet there is a strong urge to flee,

 

I thirst for my jovial side; still the bitterness does not leave,

My heart wants to trust again; nevertheless it fears deceit,

 

What this dilemma is, oh people, for sure I cannot say,

Conflicting emotions now define me; they are here to stay,

 

What is this irony? Why am I withheld by this stumbling block?

Can someone tell me? How do I get rid of this paradox?