Ask Sayeda: How can anger be controlled?

Anger is usually disguised as deep hurt or pain. Is there something that is unresolved from your past?

Sayeda Habib May 26, 2013
Hi Sayeda,

I really need your help. I have a problem with anger. I can’t seem to control it. If someone says something that offends me, I just blurt out whatever comes to my mind.

I end up saying things I don’t mean and raise my voice and act like a fool but only realise things after I’ve calmed down. I really hate it and want to change, can you offer some advice?

Thanks, Mad Cow.


Hello Mad Cow,

You’ve chosen an interesting name for yourself! First of all, remember that whatever name you use, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, if you think of yourself as a “mad cow” you will behave like one. Change that!

Use a name that encourages you to feel peaceful and that will begin to change things for you. Next, think about what pushes your buttons. If a particular subject makes you upset, then make a request to avoid the discussion.

Train yourself to spot the trouble before it happens and graciously step out of the situation. The other option is to create a code word that you, your close friends and family know. Each time you find yourself getting upset, use the code word so that other people know that they need to give you some space.

Last but definitely not the least, do give some thought to what is making you so angry.

Anger is usually a secondary emotion in the sense that it is covering up some deep hurt or pain. Is there something that is unresolved from your past?

Did something happen that left you with a sense of grief or disappointment. If so, then that will definitely need to be addressed if you wish to release the anger over the long term.

I suggest that you reflect on what the issue is, and explore some ways of forgiving the people involved (including yourself if needed), so that you can put things in the past where they belong. Good luck!

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Sayeda Habib Sayeda Habib is a life coach who empowers her clients to create a fulfilling, happier life. To find out more on coaching, or to work with Sayeda, log on to or email
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tommyking | 10 years ago | Reply Long road traveled for me as far as my anger is concerned. I am fully aware of most techniques and methods...i have tried them all. I will admit that if it was not for some of these methods I would be in serious trouble. One thing that had kept me at bay is online forum dedicated to anger or just venting. I find this better than live groups because i feel that when i did attend them...i felt judged by my appearance rathet than the content of my anger issues. At this point i neefed to cresye my own medium with a good social online outlet.
Insaan | 10 years ago | Reply @Peace lover: It is not so easy to tell yourself to calm down when you’re on the verge of exploding. Well pouring gasoline on fire and throwing some water will not work. If you stop pouring gasoline then throwing water may help. I mean you need to stop feeding anger and tell yourself to calm. Need to explore what makes one angry and explode. It is not other people, it is angry persons imagination working over time.
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