Too much optimism, very little friendship

I was attacked by gunmen and injured; I was shaken and angry.Is it normal to be optimistic even in such trying times?

Sayeda Habib April 16, 2013
Dear Sayeda
It was such a pleasure to read your article. It just certified my resolve to be positive and remain focused. Last week I was attacked by gunmen and injured. Was shaken, angry and could not think right due to rage and frustration built up inside of me.

However, being a resilient Pakistani I am trying to be positive. Life has to go on and go on good.

I work voluntarily for community schools to keep myself occupied productively. I will never lose hope for the betterment in our country.

Is it normal to be optimistic even in such trying times?

Most of the people around me have lost hope and feel I am living in a fool’s paradise.

Farzana Bandukwala

Dear Farzana,

I am so sad to hear of your ordeal. I hope that you are doing okay. My first recommendation would be to please talk to a professional about your experience and get some support. Traumas such as these can really weigh us down and have a negative impact on the future. It probably seems that you are alright right now, and I imagine you are, but situations like these impact us on a sub-conscious level. If talking to someone isn’t an option, then I would recommend you get my coaching book, Discover the Best in You and work through the exercises on letting go.

Second, I think that remaining positive is the best thing that you can do. It really doesn’t matter what others think, what matters is how you choose to view your life. If you have a productive attitude, then things will be easier to handle and you will live a more fulfilling life. Keep going with the endeavours that occupy your time, and keep putting the good vibes out there. My only request to you would be to make sure that you are taking good care of yourself. Fulfilled individuals make for a fulfilled society. Thanks so much for writing in, and I am sending my best wishes to you, always!

Hi Ms Habib,
I’m a university going student and I’m troubled by common human behaviour these days. I’m a busy student, as I have to attend sessions and meetings of the societies I’ve joined the entire week. But recently, I’ve started having trouble with my friends; I feel they are good to me on the surface, but that they are not sincere.

For example, if I ask them to plan something out (studies or fun), they don’t come through, even if it’s good for them to. And that leaves me upset and sometimes I am rude. Is that normal? This may sound stupid but it has started to irritate me. Can you suggest any changes I need to make in me?


Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for writing in. What you’re expressing is not uncommon. Many of us experience disappointment when our friends don’t make the time for us, or do things that we want. This basically reflects on one thing; that these people haven’t yet invested in the friendship like you have. Meaningful friendships take time, and are developed with only a select few.

My recommendation would be to take your opportunities elsewhere. Talk to new people and widen for network for now. Enjoy meeting people with other interests, so you can find things that you enjoy, it’s great to have different networks and lots of acquaintances to enjoy things with. In time, genuine friendships will develop and those will have been worth the wait.

In the meantime, take care of your studies, and enjoy your time meeting new people. Good luck!

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Sayeda Habib Sayeda Habib is a life coach who empowers her clients to create a fulfilling, happier life. To find out more on coaching, or to work with Sayeda, log on to or email
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.


Noman Ansari | 11 years ago | Reply @Waqas: Why? She was the one who did the attacking.
Waqas | 11 years ago | Reply "I was attacked by gunmen and injured. Was shaken, angry and could not think right due to rage and frustration built up inside of me." Reminded me of Dr. Afia Siddiqui.
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