1- Bahar ka rishta
Forget sharafat and tameez, this family’s biggest accomplishment is that their son is in amreeka! The son is missing, “because he’s in Amreeka… na!!!” As soon as you serve tea, the mother will sit you down and show an entire album of pictures of her son. One of the pictures will surely be in Disneyland, where he’ll be wearing a fanny pack and an FOB smirk that says, “Take that … I’m in the happiest place in the world!”
The spill: If his mother says, he runs his own business in NYC, it’s safe to assume he has a Halal food cart on 53rd & 6th avenue. Unless you enjoy gyros and falafels 24/7, consider passing up on this gem!
2- The larka who could pass for your abba!
You enter the room, scan for the target and immediately thank your lucky stars when you see the larka isn’t there. You think he’s just as unhappy about this arrangement and is probably at home whining to his girlfriend on the phone about his parent’s obsession with shaadi.
That’s exactly when you’re introduced to a man who you assume is the larkay ke abba. You say “Salam” to the uncle politely and wait for him to initiate small talk. Instead he’ll look you up and down; then give another onceover, and another, and another until you consider handing him 3D glasses to make his viewing experience even better!
The spill: If his mother says he’s just a very mature-looking 25-year-old, don’t buy it. He should be out looking for mature-looking 20-year-old girls!
3- Mama ka baby
The larka will open the door for his mother and wait for her to sit down … sweet right? Once they settle down and your dad asks the larka about his career and aspirations, his mother will answer all the questions for him. When the chai comes, his mother will hand it to her fully grown beta and will also make him a delightful little plate filled with patties and cake. And when he gets crumbs on his pants, she’ll brush them off with her tissue.
The spill: Stay away from this one, he’s already in a satisfying, long-term, committed relationship. And you’ll never be able to match up to the real love of his life.
4- For the love of hi-tea
Who wants to pay for a 5-star restaurant’s overpriced hi tea when you can find one in every town? That’s the mantra of certain mufta-loving khaandans who enjoy eating munchies and sipping hot tea in the pretense of looking at prospective girls for their beta. They won’t bother much with small talk just so that the tea comes sooner.
The spill: Ensure that what you serve is simple, because if they really like your hi-tea, they’ll surely schedule another meeting for dinner. Nothing will come out of it — nothing should, anyway!
5- Sister lover
Just when your parents have completely given up, this rishta will come like a Godsend. Your parents will swoon over the boy’s perfect job and khandaan. They’ll force you to come and meet him because he’s apparently nothing like the others before him. You’ll peek at him through your duppatta and realise that … he IS kinda cute!
And that’s when it happens — the inevitable — your gorgeous younger sister enters, and the larka will forget everything else and his drool will gather in an empty bowl right next to the samosas.
The spill: His parents will call your parents and meekly inquire if your sister’s on the table and fair game for their son? Your sister will tease you about this for the rest of your life!
Published in The Express Tribune, Ms T, August 5th, 2012.
COMMENTS (71)
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Lol! Well written and humorous article!
@umer: when the guy opens door for his mother, he is mama's boy but when he does that for his gf or wife, its called chivalry and what not... and no, i or my family never liked or got involved in these rishta parades to search a larki for me...
Way to go Saba, I think you have been pestered enough... delightful read.. Hope you meet the right guy soon!! And if u already have, Way to go :D
Loved it! :D The way you write simply compelled me to read on and on! Wow, this was one heck of an article, i swear. :)
@raneem: Not all guys can be categorized as either/or... they're not all either mama's boys or playboys. There are plenty of personalities in between and all around these two stereotypes. There are guys who respect their mother, but have independent thought as well, guys who aren't a playboy but aren't entirely unexposed to the female gender (underexposed guys know as much about us females as they do about little green martians). Balance is key. Having been spared from the drawing room culture as I wasn't born in Pakistan (although have many cousins I'm very close to there), I found this article quite entertaining. And I agree with the notion of having sensibly high standards (note: sensibly meaning don't be unrealistic or arrogant, rather don't set the bar low and accept anything but don't act entitled either). Girls and guys alike need to be more vocal about what they want or don't want in their future husbands/wives once they're ready to get hitched (assuming you aren't choosing your own spouse).
It seems to be a true story based on some pleasent / unpleasent experiencs of the author..anyways, would you please apprise us that whether any prey trapped or not?
Dear unmarried girls. Always keep in mind that if the lerka does not respect his mother or SIS,he won't respect his wife either. And about mama's boy, mama's boys keep wives,play boy keep girls,and keep on changing girls. So mama's boys r better choice.
Its all good for a nice humor, but you are setting a criteria based on what you see at first or 2nd sight. You fail to mention that a good looking guy, with perfect job and attributes such as age, maturity and stuff could have the worst kind of personality ever or that his gene pool carries inherited diseases, or he could be emotionally unstable, or belongs to a crappy family....And on top of that, there will be things not apparent at first but only begin to show up after marriage. This can very well be true for girls too. You fail to mention that guys and girls should pray to Allah for a better man or woman in life and that relationships are based on trust, loyalty, respect and compromise. You are setting the bar too high.
Wow completely true especially the American rishtay one! lololol
wow. was a treat to read. i have had so many rishtas and im sick of arranging teas for aunties and replying back to their questions. i wonder what they look for in girls. they will give you a positive reply and never show up again.. feels like they get out to look for.rishtas when they want to have a good tea somewhere. i feel myself a victim of our sick aunties who are looking for a goori larki and not specifying HOW much goori. i can write a book on th.is subject
Would definitely wait for an article censuring women!
@dj falafel: The only reason a girl would agree at 28 is because her parents will drive her insane with taaanas of how she's a responsibility they need off their shoulders asap
It seems like majority of posters are bereft of a sense of humour. Could it be they are still awaiting Mr. or Miss Right and are sore about it ?
Frankly, i feel very odd when a girl has to come before the boy's family and the man's family will chose whether to marry her or not...looks like shopping in a shop!
@Saba Khalid : in the face of all depressions, saba is fresh air who writes, from the heart, from what ive heard that's the best place to write from :)
A piece of advise to all future bride and groom. Don't be so choosy.
@DJ Falafal: yes, that indeed is a fact (unfortunately)..
@imran: no one!
Brilliant!!!
@ Parvez: Brilliant creative writing? What is so creative in this article? The only creative things are the made-up scenarios, and I did not find them creative enough.
''The larka will open the door for his mother and wait for her to sit down'' - erm...its called respect?
Not all Pakistani-American guys are selling gyros. I took offence to your ignorant comment. There are many well educated and successful Pakistani gentlemen in America.
@jalal: "I am a student of psychology and i can feel what ppl in your place feel. Uber uncool"
I have never studied psychology but in my opinion, no one can feel what an other person is feeling.
"If his mother says, he runs his own business in NYC, it’s safe to assume he has a Halal food cart on 53rd & 6th avenue. Unless you enjoy gyros and falafels 24/7, consider passing up on this gem!"
Not a bad business. He probably makes $400-$500/day. Multiply that by 300 (days worked) That comes too $120,000-$150,000. Cash business, Tax free Income.
If the guy gets married he can have a halal kabab cart for his wife on 37th and 5th Ave.
After 10 years they can retire and go live like a King in Pakistan.
Now if that isn't brilliant creative writing............nothing is.
@Rishta Seeking Guy: Rishtas should only be treated with respect if the girl (or boy) and family on the receiving end is also treated with respect, and we both know that's not always the case unfortunately.
LOL, a good Sunday morning read. Sounds more like you've been through each one of them (nothing personal) :)
@ Author
" 53rd & 6th avenue" are you kidding me.....that gyro guy is a millionaire in dollars..........I WISH i had his cart :p but i agree with the sentiment. I heard a story of a girl who got married to a guy from NY, guy's parents in pakistan said "he works on wall street" well he did work on wall street, he drove taxi there :p
There is nothing wrong with taxi, constructions or any other labor work, it is halal and proud way to make money, but people shouldn't lie about it when asking for rishta
Assalamualaikum.
Well this article pokes sweet fun on arranged marriages.
Tariq
I can totally relate to this article! I have had four out of five of the above experiences AND a few more.
Although 'drawing room sessions' are both humiliating and annoying for girls, I aprreciate that the writer has ignored that bit of the experience and put a humorous spin on it. Had me in stitches, well done!
hahahah brilliantly written!imsure there cud have been more categories!
NEXT UP should be:
5 rishtas a girl wants to get..and send in ur twitter handle, who know , you \|(or ur sister) might get a rishta online!
I am a student of psychology and i can feel what ppl in your place feel. Uber uncool
So damn true, 1st ones are the most irritating neway
haha loved it a big dilemma for our society
Frankly speaking, knowing this for a fact that girls in Pakistan have become too materialistic, too choosy and too complaining with almost ZERO tolerance & patience level. They need a hunk, a handsome person with fame, health, wealth and love. Yet they would still crib about something, something not even worth noticing for. Sometime about his mother. At others about his family and if not anything else then his busy routine. The recent episode of Aisam and Faha serves a perfect example in this regard. I'd say grow the heck up. Stop crying about these things and trying to generalize the things.
hahhaha ......@american: probably been dumped by a pakistani gal?
the article has managed to summarize the ironic rishtas every girl gets to some extend, try being the younger sister whose heart has been crushed by the elder ameerkan couzin and then his younger "disco molvi" makes a move at you....
Count on you lot to push the stereotypes one step further. Nicely written though but did induce a grimace and a cringe
Good job Saba!!!
I would avoid marrying a Pakistan based girl if you're living abroad for a long time. The culture is far different and it's not fair to either parties. One shouldn't marry someone if he or she is abroad because you marry a person not amreeka like most of the people do.
Think you have had a quite a few of these encounters and your sister took your future hubby.
Let me tell you that all these girls at age 25 saying no to all these men will be ready to say yes at age 28 to all five of these and worse :). This is the hypocrisy present in society. And no I didnt laugh.
Thanks, I have learned a lot from this article,
Not to disappoint girls there more girls then gyz in PK, I've seen very desperate parents and girls looking for potential groom. My advice to all u unmarried girls and their parents is to look for honesty and decency rather then materialistic credentials.
This has to be the most bizarre and "FOB" writing I've ever had the misfortune of reading.
Delightful :D
sounds like someone's had some bad experiences *rolls eyes
Haha very well written :-D
ouch.... that was merciless.
Hell hath no fury like a Pakistani woman scorned ;)
You certainly have had some bad rishtas. I think i've only had one of these... read my blog for an interesting experience... http://wp.me/pW0C4-Q
interesting read ... good !
@Imran: the poor girl would finally marry her bf ;)
True and funny. Nice..
im sure the writer could have come up with more categories... :)
Once, I was dragged to one such Chaye Parade by a matchmaker aunty. The girl wasn't my type so I told my family that I don't want to be part of anything embarrassing like this again. Later, I again became part of one such parade and before we reached home, we had made the call to girl's family conveying our 'Haan'. Today, that girl is my wife and mother of two lovely kids. We've been married for 12 years and ours is a match made in heavens. :)
Looks like writer is very experienced and had quite bitter experiences regarding Rishtas. lolx
Very Conceited Article...I just hope I dont stray into the drawing room of such a girl and her complex family...Rishtas (Prospective proposals) should be treated with respect, not scorn, whether you are a boy or a girl.
Generalizing 177 million people into 5 categories. And I thought the horoscopes were ridiculous.
A very beautiful and yet amusing insight in to the tradition of match-making.
You are the funniest Pakistani writer. I'm a guy and I can't imagine how these rishtas would feel but you've made reading about it worthwhile
Lame!!
HAHA!well written especially very true about the mamas boys!!!!!!!!!
Hahaha a good one
this had me in tears :) I think I've had three of these rishtas. I hope I don't get the othet two
LOL
Superb... Saba has very beautifully penned down the reality of our society and plight of most of girls.
Most of people are Hi-Tea Lovers...:-P
Then who should the poor girl marry?