Courtesy call

Is it acceptable to wear black to a wedding? I’ve heard yes and no but don’t want to offend my hosts. (Got the wedding blue)

Black, a colour more associated with sorrow and temperance rather than joyous celebration, used to be frowned upon as inappropriate for weddings. However, since then, it has become appropriate for scores of the bride and groom’s younger and more nubile friends to indulge in synchronised dance numbers involving pelvic-thrusting, undulating cleavage and other moves more suitable to a nightclub, which is what weddings have now become. As such, black is now perfectly fitting both for the ambience and also to acknowledge the fact that some 50 per cent of marriages tend to end in divorce anyway.

I’ve recently met a very nice man with whom I see a future save one thing: he is very loud. When we are at a restaurant his booming voice attracts the attention of fellow diners and no matter how hard I try to lower my voice so that he can do the same, he doesn’t seem to care. He jokes about how loud he is and it can be embarrassing. Is it his problem to work on or mine to get over? (Low talker)

Technically, his loud voice, which probably signifies a problem with his hearing, is his problem. But let’s look at this practically, shall we? You’ve met a very nice man with whom you see a future. In Pakistan. So what if he attracts the attention of fellow diners? It’s not like he’s an axe-murderer with halitosis. It’s not like he’s pulled out a gun at a restaurant. He’s just keen on the sound of his own voice, that’s all. Which Pakistani man isn’t? Besides, think of the plus points: he’s too loud to ever cheat on you without you overhearing at least part of any illicit conversation.

My preschool son’s best friend is from a wealthy family. We’re rather stumped about what to gift the boy on his impending birthday, especially since our son received an expensive present. What do you give a child who probably has everything without letting our own child feel he is not worth it? (Stumped for gift)

Really push the boat out for this kid – buy the fanciest gift you can manage, and then get it monogrammed. The affluent adore personal touches. You take this opportunity to explain to your child that making a good impression on rich people is far more important than your son’s sense of self worth. You could tell him that his friend’s family are insecure people who measure themselves only by their possessions and that someday hopefully daddy will earn enough for you to be the same. If your tot is having trouble understanding this, try employing visual aids or telling it as a fairytale involving a cute animal.