Negativity begets negativity

Negativity is a highly contagious emotion or state of mind. Much research has been done on positive and negative energy that one absorbs from other people. Yet, it surprises me how people still choose to surround themselves with negative and often nasty people. And yes, it is a choice. No one can force you to keep or eradicate someone from your life.

Personally, I find that if I start my day in a negative state of mind then that’s the way the rest of my day goes. If I receive some bad news in the morning or have a fight with my husband, it seems like a chain reaction of negativity starts. The whole day, then, pretty much goes into the toilet.

A dear friend of mine employs a woman called Ayesha. In general, this friend of mine is the fun-loving sort and not the least bit aggressive.



I was visiting her a few days ago and Ayesha brought in the tea; only there was no tea in the pot, just hot water. Plus there were plates but no cutlery or napkins. My friend politely asked Ayesha to bring tea and the missing stuff. Ayesha went off and came back with another pot of hot water and napkins, still no cutlery. This continued for about 45 minutes until my friend went into the kitchen herself and got everything whilst screaming at the top of her lungs by this point.

Once my friend settled down, I asked her why she was getting so worked up. Apparently, Ayesha pulls similar stunts every day. The whole household was sick of her. So the obvious question was why not fire her with two months’ advance salary?

My friend’s response was that Ayesha was a widow and that my friend had promised her that she would always have a home in her house. So, she is basically stuck with Ayesha. My view was that if she is driving my friend nuts, then my friend should send her away and continue paying her a salary until she gets another job. After all, if the point was to help Ayesha, then being abusive along the way was self-defeating. Furthermore, since Ayesha obviously brings out the worst in my friend, she owed it to herself to remove that negativity from her life.



This situation is just one example of the many negative influences we all have in our lives on a daily basis. We all have a friend who is always negative or unkind and who we continue to communicate with for some reason or the other. There is always that colleague who takes all the credit for our hard work in front of the boss.

Communication is key in any relationship but there will always be people who will never understand what you are saying and vice versa. This is the stage where you need to let go. The thing to remember here is that sometimes we are at fault as well. Sometimes we spoil people, like the mother who keeps fighting with a child about how his homework is not up to the mark and then every night fixes his work herself. This teaches the kid to be lazy and eventually he suffers much more than if he had been punished at school.

Another classic example of living with negativity involves those married couples who are so angry and bitter towards each other that the bitterness takes over their whole lives and family. In general, I always encourage and push people to stay together. Having been through a divorce myself, I know that it is extremely painful for everyone involved. On the other hand, if both you and your spouse are always miserable, then it may be for the betterment of everybody to let go.



We all have a right to be happy. But if we continue to expose ourselves to toxic people who bring out the worst in us, then happiness becomes difficult. If one is miserable and angry, then not only are you unhappy but you also make others unhappy. Avoid toxic and unhappy people. That way you can be the best version of yourself for the people who actually matter in your life.

Published in The Express Tribune, October 26^th, 2015.

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