8 touchy subjects guys get sensitive about

We often think of sensitivity as a female attribute, but it’s actually a personality trait and sensitive people can be both male and female.

In a 2014 study by Mindlab, a neuromarketing company, researchers found that men are, in fact, more sensitive than women when it comes to emotional stimuli. It’s just that they’re better at keeping their feelings under wraps. As compiled from the Independent, Self magazine and ABC News, ladies, be careful when you mention these issues to your partner.

Body

We often discuss how women are unrealistically portrayed in the media but what about guys? Thanks to shirtless Hollywood hunks like Chris Hemsworth and Bollywood machos like Hrithik Roshan, guys now too, have to deal with unrealistic beauty standards. “Lots of men are concerned they’ll gain weight when they settle down, or end up with that ‘dad bod,’” says Van Kirk, a marriage and family therapist. “It’s a newer phenomenon, so it’s harder for them to deal with it.” You don’t have to stop ogling Hrithik’s abs to help your husband get past his insecurity. “Just remember: Guys need verbal and non-verbal validation,” Van Kirk explains.

Hair

Thinning hair is a sensitive topic for many guys, despite the fact that hair loss is actually a marker of high testosterone, says relationship therapist Chris Donaghue. If a guy you care about is going bald, it’s best not to mention it. “Remember, everything about him is going to change eventually,” Donaghue says. “Try not to build a relationship that requires certain physical attributes, because you won’t end up happy.” Encourage him by complimenting on his intelligence or his cooking skills.

Family

This might seem like common sense, but it’s best to let your husband take the reins when it comes to dealing with his parents, siblings and extended family. “You may not love his mother, but if you badmouth her then you’re badmouthing the way he was raised,” Van Kirk explains. “Because this isn’t something he can change, he’ll probably take it more personally than you intended.” Make it clear that you support him, Van Kirk says, without adding in your own opinion every time your mother-in-law drives you nuts.

Friends

You might think some of his buddies are good-for-nothing, while others are fowl mouths, and he might even agree with you. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to bully your partner for those relationships. After all, he is still friends with them for a reason (plus, you have no idea what kind of history might be there). “Guys are sensitive about relationships because they’re a reflection of themselves,” Donaghue explains. In other words, when you blast his friends, you imply that he’s not a great catch, either.

Job title

It’s not just about who is the bread-winner in the household or how much money your partner makes. Your partner may not be an engineer, a surgeon, or a business tycoon but that doesn’t mean he’s not proud of his career and the title he currently holds. “Many men have their identity and self-esteem tied up in their career,” Donaghue explains. “Even if he doesn’t make a lot of money, he’s probably still proud of what he does.” Bottom line: It’s never a great idea to challenge or tease him about his job.

Salary

Most modern men aren’t going to feel emasculated if you make more money than him or hold a better job title than his — but that doesn’t mean you should rub it in his face, Van Kirk says. “If he’s overly sensitive about finances, to the point where it’s affecting your relationship, be more vocal about acknowledging his non-financial contributions,” Van Kirk says. “That could mean appreciating the things he does around the house or mentioning how creative and diligent he is at his job, even if it’s not a high-paying job.”

Vices

Maybe he likes to smoke a pack of cigarettes in a day, or maybe he gossips endlessly with his friends. You may not totally approve of his spending habits, but as long as his minor vices aren’t affecting you or your relationship, it’s better to keep quiet. “Many guys are protective around money,” Van Kirk says. “As long as he’s being responsible, you shouldn’t try to take over his finances or police his spending habits.” After all, he doesn’t raise a judgmental eyebrow when you treat yourself with those tremendously pricey Manolo Blahnik stilettos, right?

Parental skills

There’s a lot of pressure on ladies to ‘have it all’ — be successful career women, look impeccable all the time, and be super-moms. And guess what? There’s similar pressure on men but it’s just not talked about quite as often. “The flip side of our more egalitarian society is that men are expected to be manly and tough, while at the same time being present, emotional beings and great dads,” Van Kirk says. Assuming you two are doing your very best to raise kids in the way you see fit, keep in mind that he too, feels that crazy pressure to be Super Dad. And please, take a step back if he’s probably not doing such a bad job.

By: Umnia Shahid

Published in The Express Tribune, August 20^th, 2015.

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