Comment: ‘Give me only sons’

ISLAMABAD: Demanding mothers to give birth to only sons is another of our ways to oppress women. Even quite educated families expect this from their daughters-in-law and the news of the birth of a girl child is greeted with disappointment, which breaks the heart of the mother who has borne the pangs of birth. In more traditional homes, particularly in villages, mothers who fail to give their husbands a male issue fear divorce or a second wife or constant taunts of the mother-in-law.

It is a fact that girls used to be less privileged two decades ago compared to this new era. A large percentage of girls in urban areas are now getting an education, working alongside male colleagues and managing their household responsibilities too, as well as showing their enthusiasm to get higher education. The times may have changed yet I am unable to understand why women continue to be discussed negatively by all sections of our society.

Why does a girl’s character always come under question while people completely close their eyes to whatever boys may be doing?

Putting aside all these complaints, women are not only blamed for infertility but also for not having a male child, though science has proved long ago that the woman is not responsible for the gender of the child. But it is a convenient tool to torture womenfolk with even when it is the man who is responsible for childlessness. This is not easily accepted and women continue to be blamed for their men’s infertility.

I still remember my own experience. When I gave birth to my first baby girl, instead of being greeted, me and my family were told, “You ruined our family’s tradition of having a first son.”

It didn’t mean that they were not happy, but I guess it was their perception about honour attached to the birth of a male child. My desire to have a son grew stronger for this reason.

I prayed and prayed but God has his own plans. After two years I had another girl born to me. My husband’s role has always been very supportive and he was quite happy to have girls. I remember vividly how, when we were celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary, I was asked to give it another chance to have a baby boy and I started thinking about it. Despite knowing that my husband wouldn’t agree, I convinced him. During my pregnancy everyone predicted that after two issues the sex of the child changes.

Hearing these comments I made up my mind that I was going to have a boy this time. I started buying baby boy dresses and other accessories. I would be delighted to hear when somebody remarked that I had the looks of a boy’s mother. My mother, who was observing my condition, took me to get an ultrasound where I came to know that another daughter was coming.

I literally started crying in front of the doctor, not because of having another girl but because how people would react. My husband and my parents gave me courage. I can’t forget my eight year old daughter’s reaction; she wiped my tears and said “Amma don’t cry, we will prove ourselves to be good girls one day.”

But these motivations could not satisfy me. I was feeling so ashamed not to be able to give birth to a baby boy. It was hard to bear the sympathetic looks and comments of people around me. However, I had to.  I still face such situations but now I respond confidently.

Now my two daughters are grown up and the third one is still enjoying her childhood. One month back my first 16-year-old daughter left for the USA on a youth exchange scholarship.

Me and my husband had to face the resistance just for the reason that she was a girl but we tackled the situation because both of us are very optimistic about the future of women.

One has to take initiative to change the scenario, break the taboos. Nobody can be stronger than a woman who creates a new life. It’s time to change our mind set. Men need to transform their approach towards women. Let our women be confident and fight the prejudices prevailing in our society.

Published in The Express Tribune, December 15^th, 2010.