Giving and receiving

We fall in love thrice: first with the glitzy ideal we build in our mind, then with the idea of person who — we hope — matches it and lastly, with a real person who somewhat floats our boat. Some never go beyond the first stage. Others do — only to determine the gaping hole between their ideal and the person who they thought could live up to it. And then, there are those who meet a breathing version of their dream, and discard their ideal without giving it a moment’s thought. They know they only needed it as a guiding light that would lead them to someone real.

Every relationship is based on a balance of some sort. Person A is able to provide Person B something that they need, and vice versa. A good relationship can’t exist when only one person is providing something — that includes parental relationships, romantic relationships, and friendships. My best friend is a solid, dependable, reliable person. I’m a free-spirited, creative, artist-type. The friendship works precisely because of that balance.

Another thing to keep in mind when walking the path of love is that the persona of a relationship largely depends on the people in it. A person can have a friendship with one person built on silliness and fun and another friendship that’s much more serious. Both can be significant, deep friendships. Different people have dissimilar ways of making connections to the varied people in their lives.

Typically, the best and strongest relationships are built where each individual has personality traits and background elements that are unique to them, but they also share some things in common. That’s another thing that I think is fairly widespread. Also, trust doesn’t always have to be earned — not if two individuals begin a relationship with mutual trust — but that breaches of trust will always need to be healed in some way for individuals to move forward in relationships. Be sure you recognise that relationships sometimes need time, room, and effort to heal, just the way that individuals do.

Published in The Express Tribune, April 22^nd, 2015.