Ranking the films in order of "unbelievable" to "what happened here", here's a list of the biggest Bollywood jokes of the year 2014:
5. Happy New Year
After sitting through three hours of Happy New Year (HNY), one can understand why Jaya Bachchan labeled it a “nonsense” film. Farah Khan and Shahrukh Khan have teamed up to deliver smash hits such as Om Shanti Om and Main Hoon Na in the past and this meant that HNY had set some very high expectations. Sadly, fans of the duo were in for a mega-letdown.
The promotional short itself is an indication of what to expect from the rest of the movie:
Implausible story lines can work if they are done with class - the Khans need look no further than their very own Om Shanti Om for proof - but somehow the team failed to differentiate between "stretching the truth" and "downright irritating".
To its credit, the film did have some moments, and some of the songs were fairly decent. Dance Like A Chammiya is sure to get you singing along, even if the choreography is not much to write home about:
4. The Xpose
There have been many films in the history of Indian cinema which have converted a done-to-death storyline into at least a watchable film if not a masterpiece. Himesh Reshammiya's The Xpose is not one of them. The film is saddled with glaring plot holes and a caricaturish supporting cast that keep you groaning for the entire duration of the film.
The Xpose does not take long to establish itself as a retro-murder mystery set in the 60s. All the necessary ingredients are in place for a movie typical of that era - the jazzy music, ditzy characters, dark glasses, slow-motion sequences, melodramatic lines, even the trench coats, as you can see from the trailer:
Unfortunately the relative proportions of all the individual ingredients are way off, and the final dish falls apart in the making. The only good thing about it is the music, that too provided Himesh Reshammiya and Yo Yo Honey Singh are your cup of tea. Here's a sample, complete with the compulsory 60's style head-shaking, hip-swaying and the "Ha-ha Ha-ha".
3. Creature 3D
It would be an understatement to say that Imran Abbas’ Bollywood debut was a critical and commercial disaster. Imran Abbas was never a solid actor to begin with, but his acting skills in Dil-e-Muztar and Noor Bano were at least passable. Not so in Creature 3D, where his wooden expressions and monotonous dialogue delivery were quite an unpleasant surprise.
Here's a look at his 'romantic' side with stone-cold expressions:
The film itself wasn't much to write home about either. The pace dragged, the script was weak, the horror scenes were laughable and the special effects failed to impress, an inexcusable offence given the state of CGI technology available in this day and age.
2. Total Siyapaa
Those familiar with the slangy connotations of the word Siyapaa will agree that the film is appropriately titled. We all know that Ali Zafar can act: his previous Bollywood films Tere Bin Laden and Mere Brother Ki Dulhan are proof enough. The plotline was as clichéd as they come, with Ali Zafar playing a Pakistani Muslim who falls in love with an Indian Hindu woman played by Yami Gautam. Add to that dull music, stereotypical characters and crass humor, and you’ll understand why Total Siyapaa makes this list.
Get a taste of it all in this trailer:
1. Humshakals
Sajid Khan definitely outdid himself with Humshakals. His films had very limited watchability to begin with, starting with Darna Zaroori Hai in 2006 all the way up to the god-awful Housefull franchise, but his 2014 offering Humshakals definitely took the cake. A rediff.com review went so far as to state that “Humshakals should be sued for cruelty to audiences”. Labeling the humour as crude, the gags as torturous and the story as absurd would be putting things very politely. When the lead actor goes on record to describe the film as a “mistake”, you know you have an unmitigated disaster on your hands.
Probably the only decent thing about this movie was Neeraj Sridhar's vocals and the catchy music of Caller Tune. Check it out.
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